I think my step father was grooming me
Hi. So I’m nearly 19 and trying to come to terms with the fact that I think my step father was grooming me. I just felt so much shame at the fact that I felt like I was in love with him and it’s been nearly two years since I moved out and only now am I realizing he tried to make me fall in love with him on purpose.
It was in the ways he looked at me after I got at of the shower and was just in a towel or the way he touched my ribs when I was worried I got injured. It’s just it was so subtle that I felt like it was coming from me but it felt so wrong and I couldn’t tell my mom about it because I felt like I was gross for thinking that way.
And ever since my step father left us I’ve been having nightmares where I engage in sexual activity with my family members. It’s disturbing and just makes me feel disgusted with myself even though I know it’s not coming from me.
And then I found out my mom thinks my grandfather might have touched me when I was a baby. A terrifying thing to think about. I just feel so gross and messed up and any kind of reassurance that it’s not my fault would be nice. I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it. It’s also very hard since both my mom and my sister have been raped before and they both have a habit of comparing trauma and it just makes my feelings feel very invalidated. Since supposedly no one actually did anything to me but I still feel all sorts of messed up because of it.
@aether24
Thank you so much for sharing with us, that was very brave. I can understand all this is super confusing and not being able to talk about this with anyone must feel so alone. We are here to listen and we are here to support you. It was not your fault and people shouldnt have behaved the way they did towards you.
if you ever need to talk, we are here. You matter and your story matters.
@aether24
I'm so sorry you had to experience this abuse from trusted family. It's totally unacceptable. You are not at fault. It's their job to protect you. They failed you!
Grooming is a whole different spin on sexual assault. It tricks you into thinking you are compliant. I have been groomed , I know exactly how awful it makes you feel. It's taken me years of therapy to get through my experience. I still have guilt that I " participated". ....that I was "in love " .....it makes me hate myself and I feel so stupid. I just had to share so you know your not alone in being a victim of a groomer. They are predators period.
It takes another victim to really understand what grooming does to the victim. It's not a topic I discuss with anyone other than my therapist. I feel that people just don't understand what grooming is and that they are judging you.
I recommend therapy, reaching out to someone you can trust and share with is incredible helpful.
Take care.
ABB 💜
I have those same thoughts, that I feel really dumb for responding to my groomer the way that I did. Like I let myself get manipulated by him. I fell right into his trap. I feel like I can't trust myself.
I've been watching videos about manipulation and people with narcissistic tendencies, like therapists explaining it, and it has shed light on how those people can be. It has helped me cope and has validated my experiences.
I was goomed as well, and I was 24. It only happened a couple years ago so I'm still very much in the recovery process.
I've had a hard time coming to terms with it, like I "let it happen" and that since I was an adult that it wasn't actually grooming. But it totally was.
I think those little signs that you noticed are very important and totally real. I can never be sure if people are just being friendly or if they have other intentions, but the majority of times where I have noticed signs and felt uncomfortable, there were other intentions. I'm very glad that you didn't have to endure more than what you did. It seems like there is already a lot you are processing from it all.
It's totally not your fault what happened and it's not your fault for feeling how you did toward your stepfather. People who groom are manipulative. They know what to do and say to us to make us feel a certain way toward them. They can make us do and say things back that we would normally not. They can make us question ourselves and our feelings, what's real and what's not, what comes from ourselves and what comes from them.
It's hard to understand grooming unless you've actually experienced it. Sometimes nothing physical took place. Mental and emotional manipulation and abuse is hard for others to understand, but the scars can last longer than physical ones. I've found it hard to find people to talk to as well about it. Feel free to send me a message if you'd like to talk more about it
