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affableKitten3959
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PathStep 5 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2025 Member sinceDecember 14, 2025
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Trying to rebuild trust after cheating — how do you have the hard conversations?
Relationship Stress / by affableKitten3959
Last post
 December 16th, 2025
...See more So, me and my girfriend were together for nearly five years, and the last year was really tough on us. I feel like we both got too comfortable, and our relationship suffered because of it. The intimacy between us kind of faded, and we were both unable to communicate about it. But then I started noticing that she was acting differently. I had been cheated on before, and it left some scars on me. I did something I’m very ashamed of — I looked through her phone and found out she had been *** with an older man. I confronted her immediately, and she told me it had been going on for about a month. After a short discussion, I left our apartment. I came back the next day, and we had a long talk about everything. We agreed that we didn’t want things to end and that we wanted to try to salvage our relationship. We both admitted that we had felt more like roommates than a couple and that we had let things slide instead of communicating. It’s been a month now since we agreed to try to save our relationship. We’ve talked about the issue several times, and at moments it feels like our relationship is actually getting better. I can sense that she feels guilty and that she doesn’t really want to talk about what happened, but I feel like I need those conversations in order to get some kind of closure. I think she believes she doesn’t deserve the way I’m treating her. I never went through a phase where I was angry at her, resentful, or gave her the silent treatment. I feel like I’m trying to resolve the situation as quickly as possible — not intentionally, but simply because I love her. Paradoxically, she’s both the person who hurt me and the person who makes me feel better. I could really use some advice on how to properly lead conversations like this, because every time I try, I later realize that I left out a lot of things I wanted to say and that I’d like to continue the conversation. At the same time, I don’t want to pressure her. She has started going to therapy, which is a good sign for me and shows that she’s taking this seriously. What troubles me, though, is that she doesn’t really share any of it with me. I understand that she won’t tell me everything they talk about in therapy, but I would appreciate at least some basic information — for example, whether she feels the therapy is helping her, or whether she feels better overall.
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