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aimee123
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2017 Member sinceDecember 31, 2016
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How do you forgive people?
Positivity & Gratitude / by aimee123
Last post
 September 3rd, 2017
...See more Hi I recently left a job where I was being bullied by my manager, and after reporting it to her manager, another senior manager and HR no action was taken and it was made clear to me that I wasn't believed and no changes would be made. This was despite the fact that I had been signed off with stress for 4 weeks, was taking anti depressants and told them I didn't want to come to work because I had to sit next to my manager who as soon as there was noone in earshot would start belittling me. The bullying really started around October and quickly excalated because I was signed off for most of January. In the end it was decided I could leave without working my notice and I am now very happy in my new job where I started in March. I worked with another lady there who had/has similar issues to me with her manager and when she started I was very supportive and we often had lunch and things to discuss her situation and how it could made be better etc. I have sent her several emails and texts since leaving but she has not responded and it has becoe clear that she has had my messages but has chosen to break off contact. Whilst off sick she texted me to see how I was and I texted back that I was ok and there had been no suicide yet. I reailse this wouldn't necessarily be funny to everyone but I meant it as a joke, so I was surprised to learn she showed it to her manager (my manager's manager) who instead of asking me if I was serious and what he could do to help, promptly told me off. Needless to say if I had been suicidal that would probably have tipped me over the edge. I also became friends with a girl who didn't work on my team who I am still in contact with. I find it a little difficult to see her because it reminds me of the whole situation and whilst she agrees that I was bullied she doesn't seem bothered about how the situation was dealt with and she still works there. Obviously that is up to her but it does annoy me a bit. So my question is how do you forgive people in this sort of situation? There is my manager herself as well as her manager and the HR person I dealt with all of whom I don't think I would be able to forgive for a good while. I would like to forgive/get over the issue with the other lady who is/was bullied. We were not massive friends so I am not sure why I am that bothered but I think it is because I don't know what was said about the situation to the other people working there, but I doubt it was the truth, so I have probably been painted in a poor light ie the opposite of who is actually to blame for this issue. So I suppose I am most bothered that she may believe that and have chosen to cut off contact with me because of it, and also I recently learnt she has since become friendly with my manager (despite knowning all about the bullying because I told her regularly during our conversations about her issues), which is probably also a reason for her cutting off contact. I don't think I have anything to forgive the other girl I am friends with for, but I find it difficult to see her when she knows about the situation and believes me but isn't bothered by it. Can anyone suggest anything to help? Thanks
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