alexthegreat Member Profile

...See more Its a long story. About a month ago my girlfriend and i got in to a big fight. It was so bad i thought it was over for good. So i moved to Texas to get a new job and live with a friend. about two weeks later we start talking and we got back together. She was still in Las Vegas but we talked everyday. it seemed like everything was good. two weeks ago she is talking about getting a plane ticket and i am dreaming about a future together with her. then last Thursday she text me saying she cant comedown. that everyone is telling her its a bad idea, that she cant talk with me any more and for me to stop trying to contact her. I was texting her i loved her that i could make her happy, i was calling her but she was not picking up. after two days her dad calls me and tell me that she committed suicide. that she was in the hospital.Ive been a wreak for the past week. I'm hardly eating or sleeping. Today i just found out that she did not make it.that she is gone. Before i met her i had given up on life, on finding happiness. all i did was go to work and play video games and eat what ever i wanted. i was slowly killing myself. Then she came in to my life. I was happy, i started working out, being more active, and eating better. She gave me that spark to live again.But now that she is gone i feel so lost. i want to follow her so bad. but i cant do that to my family. but at the moment i have no desire to live. I know that she would not want me to be like this. to feel like this. i just don't know what to do. I made her such a big part of my life.im so mad at everything. I could not go and see her in the hospital and i cant make it to her funeral. I wish i could of saved her. I blame myself that she died. I am trying to find help. I'm waiting on a call from family services to get me a consular. I must of called every hotline i could find. I dont know what i am doing. i guess i am just looking for help.

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