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alfrodull
180 M Embraced 1
PathStep 28 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2022 Member sinceDecember 27, 2015
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anxiety/depression/thoughts about my wife
Anxiety Support / by alfrodull
Last post
 January 30th, 2016
...See more I'm not sure if this is the right place for all of this. I'm diagnosed with depression, but some of this seems like anxiety/ocd type stuff as well. So before we were married, my wife told me that she had a friend and an ex-boyfriend who co-incidentally had the same name. After we were married, I learned that this was not the case. Before we were married she said she was saving herself and if she got beyond 2nd base, she had to call it quits and go home. I was ok with that; I wanted/want to be married to her and waiting wasn't a big deal. As you can guess, she confessed after we were married that she had not treated her ex the same way. In fact they did things that we still haven't done(she says we did once, but I can't remember). Now all I can think about is the two of them together. She says she has told me about things, but sometimes the story changes slightly. What's weird is that I don't necessarily think of them being physical, more being intimate, holding hands, cuddling, etc. I don't think I'm angry, I don't think I'm jealous, but when I get these thoughts it is like someone has kicked me in the stomach. She's apologized over and over and cried to the point where I had to comfort her, but the thoughts won't stop coming back. There are so many things I want to ask her, but I don't feel I can because it would hurt her too much. Which makes it worse, knowing I can't ask about certain things. It had always been in the back of my mind off and on, but it's gotten worse over the last year. I had a big episode this summer that I think was a 3-day panic attack; I've never felt anything like it before or since. And there's the stress of a new job I don't like. I've left some of this pretty vague because I didn't want to trigger anyone or be explicit in a public forum. If someone wants to talk off line, that is fine with me. Live chat doesn't work so well because I need time to think about my answers and thoughts. Bob
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