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amazingPillow25
3,424
L Beginner 9
5 star rating
Rating
Number of ratings10 Listens toOver 18 LanguagesEnglish, French, Italian Listener sinceNov 5, 2014 Last activeover 6 months ago GenderFemale PathStep 167 People helped25 Chats31 Group support chats0 Listener group chats0 Forum posts23 Forum upvotes22
Bio

Hi, I'm Giulia! By discovering 7CupsOfTea I finally found an effective way to help people. I know how needed it can be to talk to someone at times though it can be hard to open up. I might not be a specialist on every issue you're dealing with, but I'll always be there to listen and try to help you figure out what's going on in your life. I just want to be there for people. Feel free to connect with me; if I'm offline, leave a message and I'll try to reach out to you as soon as I can.

Recent forum posts
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Ashamed of who I am
Depression Support / by amazingPillow25
Last post
 July 14th, 2015
...See more I'm 17 (almost 18), suffering from depression and social anxiety. For the past few months, I have not been a very present listener here and this was the reason. I couldn't go on helping others while I needed help myself. So, I decided to back off a little bit.  Ever since November 2014, school was getting more and more annoying for me, although I had always been very much keen on it. Little by little, I got more annoyed with homework and papers to write, research to do, lessons to listen to. I distracted myself a lot during classes — drawing, thinking, chatting. Eventually, by the end of the second trimester, the teacher often warned me from laughing a bit too much and too loud. I was getting much less sleep at night, and it deeply affected my nerves. When I came back from school, I just sat at my desk, waited a few minutes, checked the social media and just lay in my bed and took a nap. It became a habit. I was feeling very low. I was hiding it all inside of me. I smiled around my family and laughed around my classmates. Yet, my mood was getting down and down. At night, I couldn't sleep yet I did not feel so much tired during the day. I was acting like all was fine. Waking up was getting harder. Once, it was so tough that I spent the whole morning quiet — my classmate noticed and asked me what was going on. I stayed silent. Then, I moved on — got back on track with the laughing, didn't want to ruin everyone's day. It followed all year long. I was smiling during the day and at night all my thoughts came crushing back at me, hindering me from spending a good night. When we went on our school trip, I spent most of the days walking alone, nobody paying attention to me or my mood. I became someone else. A split-personality person. I was ashamed of myself. A few times I tried sending hints through the social media of my mental state such as following sad quotes pages etc. One of the first huge triggers of my mental breakdown was when I was asked to comfort a classmate who'd been crying right next to me. First of all, I was jealous because she succeeded in showing her feelings and then why would I help someone whereas I do not ever get help?! I was confused. I tried getting better. Nobody noticed. My parents didn't probably because my grades remained the same. One of my teacher might have noticed but I'm not sure. Otherwise I was getting quieter and quieter in class (more than ever, which is a lot!). People didn't/don't care. Someday, in class, I was having a huge mental breakdown that it started hurting physically. I was dizzy so I asked my fellow classmate to ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom for a sec. She did but the teacher wanted me to go alone — even though I didn't as I wanted to have a conversation about anything else to get my mind off of it. I breathe heavily, the urge to cry was stronger but as always I contained myself. I got back in the classroom and no one asked me if I were okay or anything else. Then, I realized I didn't mean anything to them. Another time, the class had gone out for a break and I insisted on staying in the classroom. I was alone, desperately wanted to burst out into tears but what if my makeup betrayed me? What if someone entered the classroom? Later, I felt like I should've. At least someone would have noticed my tears. But I learn to control my face, feelings, actions/reactions. Once at a family dinner, my uncle threw some bad joke which recalled of my dad's struggle with addiction. My little sister immediately broke down and left the room. Later, I told my mom why she had left and she told me "Wow! You heard? And you contained yourself (from making an argument out of it I suppose) I admire you for being so transparent!". I just wanted to tell her how much I hated being able to contain my feelings so freaking much. I once was that super duper optimistic person and I remembered things people told me such as the strength I seemingly had, my positive perspective despite my young age etc. (I even once posted here about this positivity I used to have). Thus, I felt guilty as if I was betraying all these people who told me that I inspired them. I was ashamed. I still am. Of having no friends, of being socially anxious.  Yet, everyday the loneliness grows stronger, the darkness becomes heavier. I do not want to deceive my family. I do not know to show them this other side of me. To this day, I haven't yet told anyone about my feelings. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to.   
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When no one notices your pain
Relationship Stress / by amazingPillow25
Last post
 December 17th, 2014
...See more I need your opinion and advice if possible. I'm in senior year of high school. I am shy and introvert. I have no friends, I had some back in middle and primary school, I also was the "fulfilling friend" to someone all middle school long. There are only three people in my class whom I talk to quite regularly and openly. We laugh, we talk, we hang out together only at school. Otherwise, the rest of the class likes me. They tell me I'm nice, kind and intelligent. As I laugh pretty easily, they often come at me to tell me jokes. I'm always laughing -- could be how I hide my sadness? When they talk a bit with me, I don't really know how to answer but I still do. But I don't feel like they want to hang with me. I doubt they're waiting for me to come to them as they know how shy I am, I've known them for more than a year now. I know I am shy and quiet and people don't like such persons very much. I am not so well integrated to the class. Last time we were discussing the fact why one of our classmates wasn't liked by the entire class, they said she was the only one not integrated. I am more than her, yes, but I'm still very very shy talking to all of the other people in my class. Can't they see? Each week, when asking about what we've done during the weekend I always say nothing. Because I don't do anything on weekends. I have no friends to go out with! Don't they understand? When we were talking about New Year"s Eve plans, my friend asked me if I couldn't ask my friends to plan something. I remained quiet. I admit to myself that I have no friends, I want them to know but still I can't find the courage to admit it to others. Do my classmates actually think I have friends outside of school? ... I feel rejected. For instance, me and two of my friends (don't know if I should call them that still) were discussing eating plans. One said she was going to eat at a guy's home and the other said she was going to eat outside with another guy. I heard them because I was next to one of them. I felt pretty bad: ending up alone as usual, no one asking me to come with them. I just feel like a ghost in class. If they need me they'll talk to me, if they're in a good mood they'll tell me a good joke, otherwise they'll just ignore me. I'm never the one people want to have serious conversations with. Never the one people talk about when I'm not here. These I understand I should make the first step but I feel worthless. I know I've often been alone, but it doesn't mean I enjoy it. I remain unnoticed. I've had a rough month, feeling very lonely and overwhelmed by my family problems (no one to talk about it with) , but no one noticed that I'm in total despair. I wish I was able to break down in front of them all so that they would finally see my pain. I'm so used to answering "I'm fine thanks and you?" but people don't care. Don't they see I'm hiding so much behind my constant laughters in class? I am exhausted. I feel so unhappy. I know I've always been invisible but I still wish they would notice me... Do you understand?
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A letter from the heart, my story
Journals & Diaries / by amazingPillow25
Last post
 December 14th, 2014
...See more My name's Giulia and I was born on September 21st of the year 1997 in France. I've been raised in a loving family, with two sisters (I'm the middle one). My big sister is three years older than me and my younger sister is about two years and a half less than me. My mother was a beautician and my father was a cook. I was a shy child but I had as many friends as any little girl could have. My mom got sick from breast cancer when I was about six years old. I remember an old woman babysitting me and my sisters when my dad was working. I grew up with a sick mother. She was doing her best to raise us, she was devoted. Besides her daughters, she also was taking care of herself, curing herself. She wanted to fight against the disease because she did not want us to lose our mother. She herself had lost her mom at fourteen in a car accident. She's been cured eventually. In 2007ish, my dad opened his own restaurant with his brother, his wife and the help of his mother. A family affair. I don't know the entire story but they actually got issues because of official papers and stuff. Therefore, my dad got alcoholic and had drug problems - which I absolutely didn't know at the time. My mother saved him by getting him into a rehab program. Someday, my young sister and I accompanied him to the train station with my mother without knowing nor asking where he was asking. His return was awaited with great patience. The restaurant had been sold. By the time my father was absent, my big sister wasn't doing it well. She often changed schools and even lived a year in Italy at my grandparent's. In these months my mom got cure, I was at school and I had a classmate, she was my best friend's best friend. This girl was touched by some kind of cancer. Therefore my mother got closer to her family because of this. She supported her a lot. Unfortunately, she died at nine years old, leaving her family of whom a twin. I still know her twin brother today, and he reminds me of her so much. In 2009, I was in my first year in junior cycle (French system education) when my mom took me apart an afternoon and she told me she was sick again, but she was going to be cured! And I absolutely remember her telling me that I had to work at school for myself etc. I received this year the price of worthy students. My dad was working hard in a new restaurant to get enough money since my mother couldn't work. And sometimes it was very difficult to hear my parents fight especially because my mom's medications certainly had an effect on her emotions and feelings. Every summer since my sister was about twelve (the time when my dad started getting addicted), she went two months in Italy whereas me and my younger sister only went to my grandfather's in the West south of France. I was a bit jealous at the time (because I only went in Italy when I was 12, 15 and probably a few times as a baby and it seemed unfair to me). After that, my mother got cured once again. She worked as a beautician again for a bit but she could only work partially. I grew up with my mother almost always at home so it was weird for me to go at friends with no parents there after school. When I was 13 I became a Justin Bieber, I was a real fan girl. I started going on social networks and I loved it. I lost friends with time. My shyness hindered me to make new friends since the beginning of middle school. I suddenly stopped being a "good student, working much less. I focused on music. I dreamed of meeting my idols. I went to some concerts; I wrote, I read a lot. I even ended up leaving my best friend for no special reason. At this time, I had no real friends. My mom got sick for the third time and we started having money problems. First of all, I had no one to talk to about my problems and then I was feeling bad. I met some of my idols later, like One Direction, as I always wanted to meet new celebrities. I never told my problems to anyone except very few people. Subsequently, it is now very hard for me to open up about such things. I lately told a friend of mine, which is only a classmate about my mothers health and it provoked a real bizarre feeling inside of me because Im not used to this. Today, I dont have any friends. I feel very lonely and alone at times, always thinking people are judging me. I'm now focusing on writing, on music, on photography, which are my main passions). I enjoy studying. I'm inspired by people such as Shantel VanSanten or complete different people like defenders of various causes. And I want to inspire. I love supporting causes. Recently, I realized that I could be proud of myself because after all those bad things that happened to me and that will happen to me, I never gave up on life. I could have tried to commit suicide, I could have self-harmed, or even been depressed but I did not. I keep believing in the beauty of life. I keep hoping. I stay positive and ambitious. I don't know what gives me that power. Maybe it does come from my mom or dad's strength, or from my faith in God. Perhaps it comes from the quotes I read or the moments like meeting my idols I lived, or the music I listen to, or maybe the breathtaking stories I read which make me dream. I don't know where I find reasons to smile to life but those reasons certainly exist. I want to point out the fact that using our problems as excuses is not a thing to do. I never did, in fact I could have so many times. I'm not writing and sharing this to get noticed by people or even to complain about my life. I'm not looking for anything except for you to get the meaning of this share. And no matter what you're going through it does get better, IT WILL EVENTUALLY! I promise you'll find a way to get over it. But you are allowed and strongly advised to talk about your problems sometimes because it surely helps. Life is a gift and a dream and you can't mess it all up. You just need to find the beauty of life. And love is how I see the beauty of life. Be grateful. Be positive.
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Managing Emotions
Work Stress
Bullying
Anxiety
Family Stress
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