A letter from the heart, my story

My name's Giulia and I was born on September 21st of the year 1997 in France. I've been raised in a loving family, with two sisters (I'm the middle one). My big sister is three years older than me and my younger sister is about two years and a half less than me. My mother was a beautician and my father was a cook. I was a shy child but I had as many friends as any little girl could have. My mom got sick from breast cancer when I was about six years old. I remember an old woman babysitting me and my sisters when my dad was working. I grew up with a sick mother. She was doing her best to raise us, she was devoted. Besides her daughters, she also was taking care of herself, curing herself. She wanted to fight against the disease because she did not want us to lose our mother. She herself had lost her mom at fourteen in a car accident. She's been cured eventually. In 2007ish, my dad opened his own restaurant with his brother, his wife and the help of his mother. A family affair. I don't know the entire story but they actually got issues because of official papers and stuff. Therefore, my dad got alcoholic and had drug problems - which I absolutely didn't know at the time. My mother saved him by getting him into a rehab program. Someday, my young sister and I accompanied him to the train station with my mother without knowing nor asking where he was asking. His return was awaited with great patience. The restaurant had been sold. By the time my father was absent, my big sister wasn't doing it well. She often changed schools and even lived a year in Italy at my grandparent's. In these months my mom got cure, I was at school and I had a classmate, she was my best friend's best friend. This girl was touched by some kind of cancer. Therefore my mother got closer to her family because of this. She supported her a lot. Unfortunately, she died at nine years old, leaving her family of whom a twin. I still know her twin brother today, and he reminds me of her so much. In 2009, I was in my first year in junior cycle (French system education) when my mom took me apart an afternoon and she told me she was sick again, but she was going to be cured! And I absolutely remember her telling me that I had to work at school for myself etc. I received this year the price of worthy students. My dad was working hard in a new restaurant to get enough money since my mother couldn't work. And sometimes it was very difficult to hear my parents fight especially because my mom's medications certainly had an effect on her emotions and feelings. Every summer since my sister was about twelve (the time when my dad started getting addicted), she went two months in Italy whereas me and my younger sister only went to my grandfather's in the West south of France. I was a bit jealous at the time (because I only went in Italy when I was 12, 15 and probably a few times as a baby and it seemed unfair to me). After that, my mother got cured once again. She worked as a beautician again for a bit but she could only work partially. I grew up with my mother almost always at home so it was weird for me to go at friends with no parents there after school. When I was 13 I became a Justin Bieber, I was a real fan girl. I started going on social networks and I loved it. I lost friends with time. My shyness hindered me to make new friends since the beginning of middle school. I suddenly stopped being a "good student, working much less. I focused on music. I dreamed of meeting my idols. I went to some concerts; I wrote, I read a lot. I even ended up leaving my best friend for no special reason. At this time, I had no real friends. My mom got sick for the third time and we started having money problems. First of all, I had no one to talk to about my problems and then I was feeling bad. I met some of my idols later, like One Direction, as I always wanted to meet new celebrities. I never told my problems to anyone except very few people. Subsequently, it is now very hard for me to open up about such things. I lately told a friend of mine, which is only a classmate about my mothers health and it provoked a real bizarre feeling inside of me because Im not used to this. Today, I dont have any friends. I feel very lonely and alone at times, always thinking people are judging me. I'm now focusing on writing, on music, on photography, which are my main passions). I enjoy studying. I'm inspired by people such as Shantel VanSanten or complete different people like defenders of various causes. And I want to inspire. I love supporting causes. Recently, I realized that I could be proud of myself because after all those bad things that happened to me and that will happen to me, I never gave up on life. I could have tried to commit suicide, I could have self-harmed, or even been depressed but I did not. I keep believing in the beauty of life. I keep hoping. I stay positive and ambitious. I don't know what gives me that power. Maybe it does come from my mom or dad's strength, or from my faith in God. Perhaps it comes from the quotes I read or the moments like meeting my idols I lived, or the music I listen to, or maybe the breathtaking stories I read which make me dream. I don't know where I find reasons to smile to life but those reasons certainly exist. I want to point out the fact that using our problems as excuses is not a thing to do. I never did, in fact I could have so many times. I'm not writing and sharing this to get noticed by people or even to complain about my life. I'm not looking for anything except for you to get the meaning of this share. And no matter what you're going through it does get better, IT WILL EVENTUALLY! I promise you'll find a way to get over it. But you are allowed and strongly advised to talk about your problems sometimes because it surely helps. Life is a gift and a dream and you can't mess it all up. You just need to find the beauty of life. And love is how I see the beauty of life. Be grateful. Be positive.