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amiableTangerine5046
127 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceOctober 16, 2021
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Borderline?
Personality Disorders Support / by amiableTangerine5046
Last post
 January 5th, 2022
...See more hey all. I’m writing because I wanna take this year to work on my mental health. I don’t have the money to go to a professional. I’ve been keeping track of my symptoms and am coming to this community for help. I don’t want to just self-diagnose, so I’m coming to you guys to get your input on whether you think this sounds like bpd/ this resonates with you so I have a better idea of what I’m dealing with in my mental health. This has developed a lot in the past year btw. - rash decisions with relationships/ wanting to cut off: for example if my boyfriend does something to hurt my feelings i will feel the burning need to cut myself off emotionally and spiral into breaking up with him, even when it wasn’t a big deal at all. i usually don’t share this with him, i don’t threaten to break up with him, but i still feel that way all the time even though i love him. It feels like I’m splitting in half because I just go back and forth from thinking how much I love him to then wanting to break up with him with every fiber of my being. -intense anger: this pairs with the last one. when someone does something i feel is wrong by me, i can easily get extremely angry. the anger carries me away into wanting to make the rash decisions i just mentioned. it’s almost always a severe overreaction. the person i’m angry at often doesn’t know. i dont tell them or get into it, i don’t get into screaming matches or fistfights or anything, but the anger is overwhelming to me. - stunted emotionally: i have a really hard time sharing emotions and things like that. people around me calls a robot. i’m physically incapable of saying ‘i love you’. things like that. I am also able to get over traumatic experiences easily. When my parents got divorced, I completely got over it emotionally in less than a day. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it never did. similar to above. - substance reliance/self harm: not super bad, but i occasionally do use things like nicotine and weed, or self harm, to cope when things get overwhelming - antisocial: i usually can only handle two close relationships at a time. once that spot is taken by a new person, i tend to lose a relationship i’ve previously had just by growing apart. i do have good relationships though. the two i currently have, i’ve had for 2 and 7 years. otherwise i just keep to myself. i have people i talk to occasionally, but i’m not friends with anyone except those two. when i do lose a close relationship, i honestly don’t think i care as much as i should. i am easily able to get over it without thinking too much - unstable images of people: i can go from thinking i’m going to have a relationship (friendship or otherwise) with a certain person for forever, that they’re meant for me, to thinking if i never talked to them again id be perfectly fine. a lot of times it changes for absolutely no reason, and quite often. - depression symptoms: self explanatory. not sure if it’s relevant. it comes in waves - rash life decisions: i don’t know if they’re really rash life decisions, but sometimes i do things like cut/dye my hair, or decide to graduate a year earlier, or make life altering changes that aren’t necessarily reckless but i make them without more than a days thought. - intense mood swings: this is the big one. it might be because of my age, but it really feels bigger than that, it affects my life on a daily basis. it developed a lot this past year. i can go from feelings of being on top of the world, to crying on the bus depressed, to feeling absolutely nothing in a matter of hours, and back again. usually i don’t stay in one ‘mode’ for more than two days. it does affect my relationships.
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Post sex depression (PCD)
Relationship Stress / by amiableTangerine5046
Last post
 October 16th, 2021
...See more I just wanna start this by saying I love my boyfriend. We are also both in upper class high school (for reference). I just don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and started having sex at the end of August. I have little issue with the sex, and usually I want nothing else in the moment. I am definitely consenting. But afterwords, as soon as I leave or he leaves, I always feel terrible. Not just sad, but like mental breakdown, crying and screaming out my car windows terrible. Not for a few hours, but usually for at least a full day- it drastically impacts my focus, my mood, my ability to function. And I really don’t know why. Once i’m away from him, it plays back in my head and i feel used, regardless of the fact that I consented in the moment. i just feel so bad, i’m not sure if i can really explain it. it’s really confusing and frustrating not to name exactly what i’m feeling or what the issue is, but i usually cry at least 3 times in that day period. I did try to talk to him about it. we took a bit of a break from sex, but once we started again it just came back worse. he doesn’t wanna talk about this anymore it feels like, just suggests that there’s nothing to do, inferring we should just keep going. i keep bringing it up and i think he’s tired of me talking in circles about it (which i don’t blame him for) because it seems there’s nothing to do, short of permanently stopping. if i suggested that, i don’t know what he’d say. and i don’t think i want that anyway. please help. i don’t know what to say to him, how to articulate how i feel since i’ve already tried and failed. and i don’t know how to fix it.
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