amusingJar2817 Member Profile

...See more I've struggled with social anxiety for what seems like my whole life. I just have this fear that everyone is watching and judging. Even when I know they're not, I'm always worried about making a mistake or doing something embarrassing. I've always been terribly shy and quiet. Everyone always made it seem like it was something I would grow out of, but it just kept getting worse. I have so much regret. There are so many things that I should have done sooner or differently. I feel so embarrassed and upset with myself for getting to this point. I'm not doing anything with my life because I'm so scared of everything. There is so much I need to do and it makes me feel so overwhelmed. These are things that my younger self should have done. It's like I tried to press pause, but life kept going, and I got stuck. I need to learn how to drive, get a job, and go back to school. Back in high school, I didn't take driver's ed because I was too nervous to learn alongside other peers. During my last year of high school, I knew it was my very last opportunity to take the class, but I was too scared to at least ask if I could switch electives. The actual driving didn't worry me until a relative tried to teach me and I ended up having a panic attack. Some time after that, I was in a minor car accident and now I just have all these intrusive thoughts about getting into another accident. It is such a need. I so badly want the freedom that driving brings. I know I need to take lessons with an actual instructor. I just have no support and feel like I can't tell anyone until after it's all said and done. I can't just tell my family what I plan on doing without hearing unwanted opinions or unhelpful "I told you so's." After graduating high school, I had planned on attending a trade school, but I was too scared. Plus, I was very unsure about the program that I initially picked. On one hand, I'm glad I didn't go for that course, but on the other hand, I should have picked a different one just to have something. For the longest time I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but now I do. There is a little part of me that feels like I should do more, career-wise. I'm not opposed to going back to school a couple of times, but that's more in the future. I've been so terrified of even applying for a job. Having to meet new people, getting interviewed, and even interacting with customers. I feel so embarrassed about having no prior experience and don't even know how I would explain myself if they asked. There is so much more I need and want to do but those are the most pressing. Thanks for listening.

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