A few thoughts, feelings, and fears.
I've struggled with social anxiety for what seems like my whole life. I just have this fear that everyone is watching and judging. Even when I know they're not, I'm always worried about making a mistake or doing something embarrassing. I've always been terribly shy and quiet. Everyone always made it seem like it was something I would grow out of, but it just kept getting worse.
I have so much regret. There are so many things that I should have done sooner or differently. I feel so embarrassed and upset with myself for getting to this point. I'm not doing anything with my life because I'm so scared of everything.
There is so much I need to do and it makes me feel so overwhelmed. These are things that my younger self should have done. It's like I tried to press pause, but life kept going, and I got stuck. I need to learn how to drive, get a job, and go back to school.
Back in high school, I didn't take driver's ed because I was too nervous to learn alongside other peers. During my last year of high school, I knew it was my very last opportunity to take the class, but I was too scared to at least ask if I could switch electives. The actual driving didn't worry me until a relative tried to teach me and I ended up having a panic attack. Some time after that, I was in a minor car accident and now I just have all these intrusive thoughts about getting into another accident.
It is such a need. I so badly want the freedom that driving brings. I know I need to take lessons with an actual instructor. I just have no support and feel like I can't tell anyone until after it's all said and done. I can't just tell my family what I plan on doing without hearing unwanted opinions or unhelpful "I told you so's."
After graduating high school, I had planned on attending a trade school, but I was too scared. Plus, I was very unsure about the program that I initially picked. On one hand, I'm glad I didn't go for that course, but on the other hand, I should have picked a different one just to have something. For the longest time I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but now I do. There is a little part of me that feels like I should do more, career-wise. I'm not opposed to going back to school a couple of times, but that's more in the future.
I've been so terrified of even applying for a job. Having to meet new people, getting interviewed, and even interacting with customers. I feel so embarrassed about having no prior experience and don't even know how I would explain myself if they asked.
There is so much more I need and want to do but those are the most pressing.
Thanks for listening.
@amusingJar2817
Sounds to me like you are in a mind frame to make the changes you want .....
As you see there is no pause on life and procrastination IMO does not help anxiety but is like pouring gas on a fire .........
Many people have been in your shoes ....... in not learning to drive ... or second guessing jobs/ schools etc.
NO one has a glimpse into future ..... maybe school choice was a good one maybe not you can only see that in hindsight...
There are many jobs that are basically starter jobs and just telling the truth that you want to learn and grow and even if you are not perfect day one ... no one is.
if you hold yourself back on every what if ....... who cares if people say "i told you so" .... look at them and say "good for you ..... must be nice to give yourself an imaginary star on your imaginary scoreboard."
You have the power to make changes and TRY / if you fall get up and try again ........ time marches on regardless.
@amusingJar2817 I totally understand how that feels. I struggled with major social anxiety for a year however now its very mild. Therapy and medication help but at the end of the day you just have to face your fear. I forced my self to do a social activity every day and it got better. Remind yourself that everybody else isn't thinking about how weird or awkward you are their thinking about themselves and what other people think of them. And if a particular person doesn't like you or thinks you're weird so what? Just be yourself and get out there and you'll make friends and be comfortable.