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anapatricia
275 M Embraced 2
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceAugust 21, 2019
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I broke up with my boyfriend because he loved me more than I loved him.
Relationship Stress / by anapatricia
Last post
 January 2nd, 2023
...See more Hey y'all. I've spent the past 5 days alone, sad, and overthinking. I recently broke things off with my boyfriend, we had been dating for one month. He's what can only be defined as extremely clingy, and I was desperate and overwhelmed and I felt like the relationship was taking a toll on my mental health. But it was a good relationship, with chemistry and genuine feelings and love. He supported me in everything, listened to me, paid attention, was attentive, caring, and loving. But I became idealized in his head from the very first date. In fact, we made it official after one week, and I tried to keep up with his pace because it was all so good, and he was good to me. I know now I should've listened to my own feelings and gut, and assert when I needed my space, but I didn't do it enough. The second issue is that there are several imbalances in our relationship. He is absolutely infatuated and in love with me, and I do like him and love him, but I think I am able to see him for what he is. He puts me on a pedestal too much and I've become a necessity to him, whereas I can also focus on my own life and myself. He tells me things like "I missed you so much I was physically weak" when we hadn't seen each inter for only two days!! And I couldn't reciprocate that obsession even though I do like spending time with him. He was also always saying how I was too good for him, that he's ugly and awkward and at some points I started to believe it. He in fact is very socially awkward and made me uncomfortable at some points when hanging out with my friends. I have a lot more stuff going on for myself than he does: I work, I have several extracurriculars and two majors, more interests, hobbies, and taste than he does. I wish he would focus more on himself because he comes across as not ambitious enough, and I often feel like I actually deserve a man who is sure of himself, more mature, confident, and ambitious, who has a life that goes beyond just having a girlfriend. Often I've resented this and even caught myself being cruel and condescending with him. I don't want to be because he doesn't deserve it! I think he's just emotionally immature, but he can make me happy and makes an effort to know me. I feel like I have a more secure attachment and I don't know if I can change his or if it's even fair to ask him to change. Should I give my relationship a second chance? I've been thinking of asking him to start over, not labeling anything, giving each other a chance to actually get to know one another, seeing each other less and in private. Is this fair? Do you think it's worth giving this a chance or there's just too many imbalances here? Should I ask him to just be friends? I think it's going to take me a long time to get over him if I do because I have a lot of affection for him, he's a good person, and I really enjoy spending time with him. Should I stop overthinking it and rationalizing it so much and just enjoy it? I'm 20, he's 21. Help!
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Should I give my relationship a chance? Help.
Relationship Stress / by anapatricia
Last post
 December 29th, 2022
...See more Hey y’all. I’ve spent the past 5 days alone, sad, and overthinking. I recently broke things off with my boyfriend, we had been dating for one month. He’s what can only be defined as extremely clingy, and I was desperate and overwhelmed and I felt like the relationship was taking a toll on my mental health. But it was a good relationship, with chemistry and genuine feelings and love. He supported me in everything, listened to me, paid attention, was attentive, caring, and loving. But I became idealized in his head from the very first date. In fact, we made it official after one week, and I tried to keep up with his pace because it was all so good, and he was good to me. I know now I should’ve listened to my own feelings and gut, and assert when I needed my space, but I didn’t do it enough. The second issue is that there are several imbalances in our relationship. He is absolutely infatuated and in love with me, and I do like him and love him, but I think I am able to see him for what he is. He puts me on a pedestal too much and I’ve become a necessity to him, whereas I can also focus on my own life and myself. He tells me things like “i missed you so much I was physically weak” when we hadn’t seen each inter for only two days!! And I couldn’t reciprocate that obsession even though I do like spending time with him. He was also always saying how I was too good for him, that he’s ugly and awkward and at some points I started to believe it. He in fact is very socially awkward and made me uncomfortable at some points when hanging out with my friends. I have a lot more stuff going on for myself than he does: I work, I have several extracurriculars and two majors, more interests, hobbies, and taste than he does. I wish he would focus more on himself because he comes across as not ambitious enough, and I often feel like I actually deserve a man who is sure of himself, more mature, confident, and ambitious, who has a life that goes beyond just having a girlfriend. Often I’ve resented this and even caught myself being cruel and condescending with him. I don’t want to be because he doesn’t deserve it! I think he’s just emotionally immature, but he can make me happy and makes an effort to know me. I feel like I have a more secure attachment and I don’t know if I can change his or if it’s even fair to ask him to change. Should I give my relationship a second chance? I’ve been thinking of asking him to start over, not labeling anything, giving each other a chance to actually get to know one another, seeing each other less and in private. Is this fair? Do you think it’s worth giving this a chance or there’s just too many imbalances here? Should I ask him to just be friends? I think it’s going to take me a long time to get over him if I do because I have a lot of affection for him, he’s a good person, and I really enjoy spending time with him. Should I stop overthinking it and rationalizing it so much and just enjoy it? I’m 20, he’s 21. Help!
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