anonymouslylonely Member Profile

...See more Here is my story. I don't know where to begin so I'm just going to tell everything. I grew up in what was originally a decent situation. Loving parents, a great little sister, a dog, the traditional family. One difference is that I'm autistic. (It was incorrectly diagnosed as a series of things which I won't get into since it's a long, exhaustive list.) When I was about 6, I was sexually abused. I don't know the exact details of it, only that my babysitter was involved and that we were reading Peter Rabbit right before it happened. I honestly can't bring myself to feel anything about it. Not anger, not sadness, not even indifference, just empty. I don't have nightmares about it, it's almost like nothing happened. Which makes me question my experience and whether it really happened or not. On top of that, I've dealt with what I think can be described as emotional abuse. I'm just going to describe the more traumatic incidents. -I'm about nine years old, and I come home to find all of my books in black trash bags. I'm told that if I'd just cleaned my room, this wouldn't have happened. -I'm about 12 years old and dealing with suicidal thoughts. I tell my mom this, and she starts to threaten to send my horse away to slaughter since my grades aren't good enough and since I keep trying to "get attention". She then pretends to look up a slaughterhouse number and pretends to call them to make arrangements. This one haunts me the most. -I'm about 14, and my mom says that she makes me cry so that she knows that I've gotten the message. -Age 15 my mom, in a fit of rage, tells me that my best friend had good reason for not hanging out with me anymore. This is a long story I won't get into right now. Also age 15 my mom tells me that she's going to leave me at a mental hospital and never pick me up. She then tries to drive to the hospital before my sister screams at her. There's a lot of other stuff that's more of a consistent thing. Calling me lazy, calling me ungrateful and spoiled whenever SHE buys me something, saying that I'm emotionally 12 years old, and in a few instances that I'm stupid. I don't know if this belongs here, but I'm really messed up because of this.

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