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ariepaige523
1,590 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts67 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceMarch 21, 2018
Bio

I am:

-queer

-genderfluid

-broke homeless soon to be ex college student

-bookworm

-gemini

Recent forum posts
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Homeless and stuck at a service job
Work & Career / by ariepaige523
Last post
 May 16th, 2024
...See more I need real life advice from someone who understands a mental health perspective. I’m 22 years old and diagnosed with BPD, ADHD and OCD plus the obvious depression and anxiety and it’s suspected I might have Bipolar too since my sister has been diagnosed?? I just got kicked out of my parents’ place for the second time in my life because they’re aggressive alcoholics so even though they’re technically giving me 6 months to get out I’ve been couch hopping because I don’t feel safe there. I’m working a minimum wage job and in a band playing local gigs. I’m paying off student loans since I’ve been on an indefinite medical leave from college since my last mental health crisis and I can’t afford to wind up back in the psych ward. I’m still paying back rent from the apartment I was living in while I was still in school and my car’s transmission is shot so I don’t even have a way to get around anymore. I have like 8 years worth of job experience at dead end service locations and have lost passion in most of my other skills. I was studying to be a teacher but now I definitely can’t go back to school even if I still thought I could manage being a teacher. When I once aspired to be an author I have no motivation to do so and could never handle the deadlines. While I love playing in my band, I know it’s not sustainable. I once even considered becoming a tattoo artist because I have a bit of experience and skill but the market around me is saturated and all I’ve spoken to already have all the apprentices they need. Plus I don’t know if I could even handle that kind of responsibility. i recently FINALLY got back to see a psychiatrist for an evaluation who prescribed me Abilify which I can’t afford because I don’t have prescription coverage. She also recommended I join a DBT group in my area but with the way things are going with my parents I don’t know if I wanna deal with the health insurance they DO still have. I’m carless, homeless, unmedicated and barely insured and I know I need to find a more permanent, sustainable job/career but I don’t know where to start and if I throw myself into another job I hate, I’m just gonna wind up in another mental health crisis. I’m spiraling and don’t know what to do. Someone please help.
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Lonely
Relationship Stress / by ariepaige523
Last post
 June 10th, 2020
...See more I feel like I
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What's the Reason?
Depression Support / by ariepaige523
Last post
 August 6th, 2018
...See more Sometimes it's easy to deal with everything crashing down. It's easy because usually I can pinpoint exactly what's triggering the meltdown. I figure out what's making me depressed, address the issue: write about it, vent about it, rant about it, et cetera. The real issue occurs when I seemingly don't have a reason I guess. Like right now. I was totally fine. Then two seconds later I fall into this deep depression for absolutely no reason. It's just so empty and hollow. I wanna cry myself to sleep but my insomnia won't let that happen so I can't even sleep it off. I'm just forced to sit here, wallowing in self pity. Maybe it's strange that I feel so derpessed when nothing is going on. There's almost always something triggering my depression with all of the BS I have to deal with. But in moments like this, I just feel so alone. Like, nobody would understand because I don't even understand. Call me dramatic but sometimes, it just feels so heavy that the only choice seems to be to just release myself from whatever this void of suffering is. Afterall, isn't it human nature to want to take the easy way out of things? Wouldn't it be easier to just end it all? I don't know how relatable this is but I hope someone gets it.
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