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ashen64
1 3,868 M Seeking Light 3
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts138 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupTeen Last activeJune, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 4, 2025
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My name is Niall


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I'm a truly disgusting person
Relationship Stress / by ashen64
Last post
 February 2nd, 2025
...See more I have been with my girlfriend for 11 months. Long story short we just broke up, I did her so *** bad it's disgusting. I am fairly entitled and a brat, I liked another girl for a bit of our relationship, I watched porn sometimes and kept it from her I lied when I shouldn't have I did so many grotesque things with no remorse or guilt except for when I was found out. I told her id change and that I loved her but I never did, today she broke up with me and I'm realising that the past year of my life has been a literal cesspool or greed and lust. Literally a comparable fraction of my life is full of putrid things. I made her want to jump, I made her relapse vaping and the funny thing is that I think I did love her and that when it was good I was very good but I am at the core a rotten person. I feel like ending it but I feel the need to actually suffer for what I made her go through, funny thing is I know she's gonna get with someone tomorrow to rebound and possibly fall into another relationship like this, hopefully not.
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I need advice
Relationship Stress / by ashen64
Last post
 January 27th, 2025
...See more This is quite simple, my girlfriend looked at my cups account and all of my thread posts. She is upset saying that we should've talked it out which I didn't want to and that she didn't like being posted publicly where people 'shame her for being a narcissist' which nobody said. I don't feel comfortable using the app in fear she'll take photos of my thread posts which she already did.
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I need advice
Relationship Stress / by ashen64
Last post
 January 19th, 2025
...See more If I've done something bad to my partner, like in this case she's accusing me of mocking her when she asks for help in school and apparently I do this alot. I have never heard about this and I didn't realise that I hurt her, now after months she decided to tell me and said that I have some kind of complex and It just feels so unfair. Im paranoid and jealous and I feel like she's been manipulating me for a long time so is this that or is it just bad communication that feels like manipulation She wants to cut contact and talk about this in a while, I want to talk about it now and I expressed how sorry I was and that now I know what I've done i can actually fix it but she doesn't believe that I can. I'm just so confused my entire relationship feels so convoluted it's good then bad then good then bad and at what point do I tell the person that I love that I can't do this anymore as well as that she's friends with my friends and I don't want my friends to hate. She's quite spiteful and I don't want her to leak info about me or lie so I'm just scared to leave her
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How severe is this situation in your opinion?
Relationship Stress / by ashen64
Last post
 January 14th, 2025
...See more Yesterday my girlfriend made a comment about how one of her male friends is more invested than me in my biggest interest and this guy I had already been jealous of previously, she knows this. I told her that I didn't like that she said that, she defended herself saying that I shouldn't be jealous. She has a history of disregarding my feelings so I gave up and stopped talking to her and just lied in my bed not doing anything, then she called me out for sulking saying "why are you targeting me" as if me being upset is an attack on her and I was a bit fed up but I still tried to communicate how I felt and she still defended herself, she was irritated with an angry face and she basically said that how I felt was invalid, "not to be rude but it isn't About you". She also believes that she didn't do anything wrong and I cannot say enough that I was really trying to de escalate yet still she was *** at me for expressing my feelings. I apparently don't express how I feel enough and she wonders why
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I'm confused
Relationship Stress / by ashen64
Last post
 January 7th, 2025
...See more Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a year now and I believe that I truly love her, I still look at her and get butterflies and she feels the same way but sometimes it feels fake, she will disregard my opinion or what I want yet expect me to listen to her and help her. It honestly feels sometimes like she manipulates me and I confronted her on it recently, she flipped it on me calling me abusive and threatened to leave and I was so distressed I actually believed that I did something wrong for a bit but I didn't. I'm confused because sometimes it feels so real and at other times it doesn't
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