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avinyc88
338 M Embraced 3
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2020 Member sinceSeptember 10, 2019
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Needing Some Outside Perspective
Relationship Stress / by avinyc88
Last post
 November 1st, 2019
...See more Hi there, I've posted before a month or so back about my breakup. The short of it is: I was with my ex for 4 years, lived together for the majority of that time, adopted a puppy together, etc. and then a month after our 4 year anniversary he broke up with me bc he was unsure of the future and didn't know what he wanted (marriage, buying a home, etc) and didn't know if he wanted a future with me and felt it was unfair to string me along as I've always been very vocal about what I want. I moved out, got my own place, and took custody of our dog. Here is where I need some input: we still talk very regularly, and we are trying to co-parent our dog, so he will come see him once or twice a week and while he's here I leave and go run errands so we aren't just all hanging out. I personally don't harbor any romantic feelings for him. I don't want to get back together with him. I'm painfully lonely every single day as I've never lived alone and also had a big falling out with my female best friend, but I'm not lonely for him/our relationship, if that makes sense. But he was my best best friend for so long, and I miss THAT part of it all. I miss my friend. He wants to remain friends, if we can, and nothing horrible happened to make us break up in the first place. I think I want to be friends too, but sometimes I worry I think too much about his needs and what he wants instead of my own, and I worry I'm just giving him the best of both worlds foolishly. To be completely transparent, the last year or so of our relationship really just felt like we were 2 best friend roommates, if that gives any additional perspective. What do others think? He doesn't want to get back together (I don't think?), I definitely don't want to get back together, but we both want to be friends and miss our best friend, so to speak. If this is something I genuinely want too, is that a rational thing to pursue? I just don't want to feel like I'm being used/taken for granted, so I worry sometimes I'm not advocating for myself enough, even though I do miss his friendship. For people who have been in long term relationships who split up: does this ever get easier to handle? Thanks for reading, x.
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Terrified
Relationship Stress / by avinyc88
Last post
 September 11th, 2019
...See more I am recently (little over a month) single after a 4 year long relationship in which I lived with my SO for 3 1/2 years and adopted a dog with him. Out of the blue one day he woke up and said he didnt see a future with me, and didnt even know what he wanted for his own future, and so he made the decision to end the relationship. I spent a couple of days in the apartment we shared wallowing, and then got to work trying to find a new place for my dog and I. We moved into a new place almost a full month ago as of this upcoming weekend, but my dog has regressed into exhibiting extreme separation anxiety, so despite living in a new place and neighborhood I am unable to leave my apartment unless someone is here to watch him, which is not often. I work from home full time on top of that, so I am just always home. I feel very alone and very scared. I feel like I wasted 4 years of my life for nothing, and I feel trapped at home because of my dog. Im working with a trainer and his vet to try to find a solution to this, but this past month of being isolated in my apartment has been so depressing. I spent 2 years prior to this relationship being single, learning about myself, wanting to find a partner, and I truly thought my SO was it. I thought Id never have to feel alone again. It doesnt help that all my local friends are in relationships and busy themselves. I feel so sad all the time and fear being stuck here will last forever. Im lost.
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