Needing Some Outside Perspective

Hi there,

I've posted before a month or so back about my breakup. The short of it is: I was with my ex for 4 years, lived together for the majority of that time, adopted a puppy together, etc. and then a month after our 4 year anniversary he broke up with me bc he was unsure of the future and didn't know what he wanted (marriage, buying a home, etc) and didn't know if he wanted a future with me and felt it was unfair to string me along as I've always been very vocal about what I want. I moved out, got my own place, and took custody of our dog.

Here is where I need some input: we still talk very regularly, and we are trying to co-parent our dog, so he will come see him once or twice a week and while he's here I leave and go run errands so we aren't just all hanging out. I personally don't harbor any romantic feelings for him. I don't want to get back together with him. I'm painfully lonely every single day as I've never lived alone and also had a big falling out with my female best friend, but I'm not lonely for him/our relationship, if that makes sense.

But he was my best best friend for so long, and I miss THAT part of it all. I miss my friend. He wants to remain friends, if we can, and nothing horrible happened to make us break up in the first place. I think I want to be friends too, but sometimes I worry I think too much about his needs and what he wants instead of my own, and I worry I'm just giving him the best of both worlds foolishly. To be completely transparent, the last year or so of our relationship really just felt like we were 2 best friend roommates, if that gives any additional perspective. What do others think? He doesn't want to get back together (I don't think?), I definitely don't want to get back together, but we both want to be friends and miss our best friend, so to speak. If this is something I genuinely want too, is that a rational thing to pursue? I just don't want to feel like I'm being used/taken for granted, so I worry sometimes I'm not advocating for myself enough, even though I do miss his friendship. For people who have been in long term relationships who split up: does this ever get easier to handle?

Thanks for reading, x.