awkwardsurvivor Member Profile

...See more I'm 22 years old and I'm not sure if something's wrong with me, I haven't been diagnosed. I like working with my hands and move around, but when I have to sit down and do school work I get really restless, edgy and erratic. All these existential thoughts start running in my head, I get lethargic and get myself distracted by watching netflix or just go to bed, it really affects my work and that's stressing me out, which is like a vicious feedback loop now. It's all fine (or tolerable) when I'm working with my hands (in the lab - I study biology), since I'm keeping myself busy and enjoy that. It's all hell when I have to sit down at a desk by myself and have to study or write, I get all these pessimistic thoughts and sometimes revisit so many memories in my head triggered by something I've watched in a movie or read, things that I've never thought were bad but now they seem like it, I'm not even sure if that's okay. What made me realize that something's actually wrong is if someone asks me "What's your happiest memory? or When was the last time you were genuinely happy?", I wouldn't have an answer. I've realized nothing makes me happy and that's affecting my work. I guess in any other circumstances I would've buried it down and just go on survive, but since it's affecting my school, which is technically costing me and my parents money, I really want to get better and sort my shit. Which now I realize that I'm basically surviving to not make them sad after all they've done for me, and not out of my own will, which worries me.

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