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axthmatixromulus
141 M Embraced 1
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceJuly 27, 2023
Bio

multitude of disorders

i am a total disaster

he - him - his

Recent forum posts
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OCD, TW NSFW
Anxiety Support / by axthmatixromulus
Last post
 July 28th, 2023
...See more Disclosure: I talk about my DID, NSFW, bodily fluids, and OCD. Please tell me if this violates anything and if it needs to be taken down, I will do so immediately. First time poster. A part of me has strong cleanliness OCD amongst other things, and this has been making my life a mess. I cannot eat certain things, touch certain things, do certain things. I struggle to maintain a normal schedule because of this, and the intrusive thoughts are crippling. I went a little out of my comfort zone today to have intercourse with my spouse, who knows of my issues. It was going great, didn’t think about anything negative and only positives the whole way. I felt wonderful with this situation. Eventually, my partner climaxed and got their fluids on my hand. And my part just flew into the situation, starting to gag and I felt vomit rise into my mouth. I feel gross and disgusting, crying and trying not to ruin the mood with my partner. I hate having this disorder and I hate struggling to have intimacy with my other half. I feel as if there’s no hope and I’ll never be able to do what I want to do because of it. The OCD affects all of me, it just affects that part of me the most. I feel like all of my therapy has been undone in that moment. Thank you for reading if you did, I was just hoping to vent or see if anyone had anything to say.
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