OCD, TW NSFW
Disclosure: I talk about my DID, NSFW, bodily fluids, and OCD. Please tell me if this violates anything and if it needs to be taken down, I will do so immediately. First time poster.
A part of me has strong cleanliness OCD amongst other things, and this has been making my life a mess. I cannot eat certain things, touch certain things, do certain things. I struggle to maintain a normal schedule because of this, and the intrusive thoughts are crippling. I went a little out of my comfort zone today to have intercourse with my spouse, who knows of my issues. It was going great, didn’t think about anything negative and only positives the whole way. I felt wonderful with this situation. Eventually, my partner climaxed and got their fluids on my hand. And my part just flew into the situation, starting to gag and I felt vomit rise into my mouth. I feel gross and disgusting, crying and trying not to ruin the mood with my partner. I hate having this disorder and I hate struggling to have intimacy with my other half. I feel as if there’s no hope and I’ll never be able to do what I want to do because of it. The OCD affects all of me, it just affects that part of me the most. I feel like all of my therapy has been undone in that moment.
Thank you for reading if you did, I was just hoping to vent or see if anyone had anything to say.
@axthmatixromulus Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, and for the disclosure. It takes a lot of courage to open up about personal struggles, and we're here to support you.
The concept of "getting out of your comfort zone" is often touted as a path to personal growth, but it can be problematic when applied without considering individual circumstances and consent. Pushing ourselves beyond our limits may exacerbate anxiety and stress, particularly when it comes to intimate situations. Instead, we should focus on understanding and respecting our boundaries, especially during vulnerable moments.
In relationships, open communication is vital. It's essential to express your needs and limitations to your partner, especially in intimate settings. A partner who truly cares for you will prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Remember that you should never feel pressured to engage in any sexual practices you are uncomfortable with. Consent should always be at the forefront of any healthy relationship.
Your progress in therapy is not undone by one challenging moment. Healing is a process, and setbacks are a natural part of it. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge the progress you've made. It's okay to feel frustrated, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Seeking professional help and support can be immensely beneficial in managing your OCD and finding coping strategies.
Feel free to vent and express yourself whenever you need to. You don't have to face this journey alone, and it's okay to seek support whenever you need it. Compassion, understanding, and support are essential elements of your path to healing, and there is hope for a brighter future ahead. Take care.