azureIdea6679 Member Profile

...See more For context I recently went through a breakup of a 10 years relationship and I am taking the time to heal. Including cutting all contacts and slowly re-finding and re-defining things we use to do/eat/like as my own. I want to avoid a negative connotation on things I am interested in that happens to also be something my ex was interested in or we made it into a core memory. It hasn't been easy but I know the path is going forward and day by day I see peace in me. Also the increase in sudden "ah ha" moments that I know I am where I need to be in life in the currently. With that said, the thoughts of cheating still lingers in my healing. A few weeks before we broke up (due to him really giving up on working on us and the inability to make time for us with a lot of other priorities on his plate), I found out he's been messaging someone frequently and confiding his thoughts to her. I just thought it was a coworker or friend but I realized they been talking for a year now and she once asked to date. He declined but never made it clear he was in a relationship despite directly asked if he's single. He said they like to tease each other and they talk in a friendly banter as he shows me their conversations. It didn't sit well with me. Yes, it not out front physical cheating but he emotionally confided with her. And met up with her for coffee without ever mentioning it to me while he talks about his day. It wasn't flirty texts but it made me lose trust because of the secrecy and the fact he was on his phone more and less present for us when he says he has a lot on his plate. All in all, we did not break up because he "cheated" in fact we talked it out and he understood why it could be that way for me. I knew trust was broken but it was mendable. The thought of me justififying it wasn't cheating at that time as a protective mechanism is a possibility. Fast forward to the present, I am trying to heal. I am trying to figure out what I am afraid of and open up. Should I come to terms for what it is or did the relationship end because the sum of it all? Just wanted some open discussion on forms of cheating and how you all work or didn't work it through. Thank you.

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