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bambinash
207 M Embraced 2
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2019 Member sinceMarch 24, 2019
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Self harm relapse
Self-Harm Recovery / by bambinash
Last post
 March 24th, 2019
...See more After two years of not harming myself...I gave in and hurt myself tonight. I have an urge to punish myself whenever I feel like I did something wrong, or whenever Im overwhelmed and have no relief. Its like an itchy thought thats always there. Whether is making myself throw up (not to lose weight, but to punish myself) cutting, or burning...I think about it. My first experience I have a vivid memory of being abused while I was a young child and afterwards even though I had already experienced pain from the abuse...i was panicking and crying on the floor ...trying to cope with what had just happened...I was so overwhelmed i slammed my head hard into the floor. The relief I felt was immediate. I stopped crying and put myself back together. I know my ptsd contributed to my relapse, but being let down by my partner was the first trigger into my relapse. Expectations lead to disappointment they say... and I expected my partner to be there for me when Im in distress like I am for him and I was let down, and overwhelmed with flashbacks and disappointment.
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