beetlebug123 Member Profile

...See more Hello, I am Paul, 37 year old from Toronto originally from India. New to this website and any kind of therapy/help request. My marriage is not going great despite both of us trying from last 5 years. We met about 6 years ago and hit off instantly. We had a great rapport and loved each other's company. For months, I was driving 4 hours to meet my wife on the weekends for a coffee as she was studying in a different city. However, we never talked about our past relationships. I did share with her that I had a past marriage but it had ended 6 years before we met. But after marriage, my wife seemed to become more insecure about my past marriage to a point that she said that she is not able to cope up wth the fact that I had been in a relationship and had physical relationship with another woman. I also realized after our marriage that she does not have any real close friends and also does not get along great with her relatives except her parents and brother. And they are all nice folks. She started having issues with my friends as well to a point where my friends stopped visting me and only time I would interact with them was on the phone or if I went to see them. She also was struggling to get a job and blamed it on me that if we had not married, she could have stayed back in her town and possibly gotten a job. I realized how hard it must be for her to sit at home all day so I had her join some courses where I would drop her and pick her up everyay as she did not (and still does not) have a driver's license. After over a year, she was able to find a job but had a hard time keeping it as she did not get along with her manager. Luckily she found another job but she also has issues in this job getting along with most of her colleagues. She also does not talk to my family at all. And she still has lots of resentment towards me and now says that I lied to her about details of my previous relationship. I have never cheated on my wife or talked bad about her to anyone. She has bouts of anger where she screams and tells me that I am the worst thing that has happened to her. I have tried to stay calm and have maintained that we have tried to make it work but since it is not working, I am ok to part ways. We don't have any kids and I have also told her that when we communicate, we will distribute everything equally. I still care (and think love) about her and don't want her to struggle as she rebuilds her life on her own. We have no intimacy or sex. She doesn't do anything around the house and I have to do everything including laundry, dishes, lawn, vaccum and groceries. I got into an accident couple of years ago and my back still recovering but I still work around the house as much as I can because if I don't the place becomes a mess. Luckily I am able to work from home and still make a good income so money is never an issue. However, when I got into accident, none of my friends called me ask me how I am doing. So now I don't even have close friends anymore. I feel that sometimes I have panic attacks when I realize how I am stuck in this nightmare. I am not sure what to do. I meditate daily and try to stay positive but it is becoming increasingly difficult. Right now, we are staying in the same house but as total strangers except the times when she is yelling, screaming and crying at me. I have asked her to go to counselling but she won't. And the fact that I suggest it, makes her just resist it more so I don't advise anything now. Please help me. I am not sure how long I am going to be able to pull this.

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