bestBanana7981 Member Profile

...See more So... thank you in advance to whoever might read this. I've been trying to wrap my head around this for weeks. It's more confusing and it hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I'm not good with relationships, friendships and all that irl, so my two best friends are... well or were... an online friendship, the two of them were a couple and I was their friend. It felt like we were a family, they were my home, the only ones that ever made me feel like I belong. I never had such a deep bond with anyone ever before. And then they vanished, one a couple weeks before the other. It's like they disappeared from the internet completely, it's not just me, they didn't just leave me, as far as I can tell or check, they're really gone, completely. My heart's racing while I'm typing this. Because I don't have the slightest clue what happened. I made a million assumptions by now, in my head there's a whole novel consisting of ever new stories of what might have happened. My head and my heart want to find an answer so bad but it's impossible. Only they could tell me what really happened, what's currently happening.... but they're gone. And they might never come back and I might never get any answers. Realistically..... or no idea, I lost sight of what might actually be realistic... but I do believe something serious happened, something real bad. Both of them haven't been in a good place, neither mentally nor physically, one was in a much worse state than the other though. So my guess is, at least one of them died. If the other is stil alive, he's.... I don't wanna know what he's like. They had such a symbiotic relationship I can't imagine either of them will ever recover if the other's dead. And I'm going through the worst emotional roller coaster ever. Some days I'm sure they're dead and grief is hitting me so hard and it hurts so bad like nothing I've ever felt before. Sometimes I think it's just temporary and they WILL come back one day and explain things, I just need patience and persistence. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind over this cause I just dunno what happened and this uncertainty makes me wanna scream. I know you can't help me, I know you can't tell me the answers either.... but God I just don't wanna be alone in this mess, I just want someone to read this, anyone.... I feel so lost and I can't get through this all alone. I guess Iainly just need to talk about this for a bit and feel like I'm being heard.... I guess it might hurt a little less if I wasn't all alone anymore. Thank you for reading. <3

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