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betterintime
1,982 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 48 Compassion hearts37 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2015 Member sinceMay 14, 2015
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Dated my best friend and it didn't work out
Relationship Stress / by betterintime
Last post
 May 28th, 2015
...See more So I'm 21, a graduating college senior, and I made the mistake of dating within my main group of friends for my first relationship, which was fine until it wasn't. What happened was that we spent months getting to know each other, building up an even stronger friendship than we'd had before, we had a lot of fun and spent a lot of time alone together and complemented one another very well, and once we went back to school (it was a long distance thing from start to finish, we go to school about two hours apart) I built up the courage to ask him how he felt about me, and the relationship started from there.  The first three months of the relationship were wonderful and I'd never been so happy and so comfortable with another person in my life, but at around the fourth month something very suddenly changed for him. I still don't know why (maybe the distance was harder on him than it was on me? Maybe because of stresses affecting him in his life? Either way, he never talked to me about it) but at some point around this time he started this gradual drop-off; us texting one another daily about everything slowly turned into me texting him first every time and struggling to keep conversations going, he wouldn't talk to me about anything (by this I mean both important things and that he wouldn't really participate in lighthearted back-and-forth conversation, there suddenly always had to be a point to everything I talked about or he wasn't interested), he became meaner and more cynical and would say really awful things to me every once in a while and would never apologize for them, he became more easily offended, and worst of all he became outright neglectful of me. Despite all of that, I did love him and we were usually good with one another in person, but during the week when we couldn't see each other, he would close himself off from me all over again. But I loved him and figured he was just going through something right now so I was willing to give him time and work on it once we were both out of school for the summer (I'm graduating in a couple of days so I have a lot going on in my life right now and wanted to be able to give him the attention he deserves, so I was going to wait). Then, kind of out of nowhere, he broke up with me. This devastated me. It wasn't at all what I wanted and, since he never talked to me about anything that was going on with him, I had no idea he was even close to the point of breaking up with me; things weren't great but I've seen other people's relationships in far worse condition than ours. The reasons he gave me were entirely unconvincing and basically boiled down to him not feeling like our personalities were compatible, which makes no sense considering the months we spent together before the relationship and the first three months of the relationship (which, together, amount to a greater amount of time than the four months in which we weren't doing as well as we had been). There are other factors that I feel like definitely could have at least contributed to his decision, like the fact that I'm graduating college and he won't be for a few more years, and the fact that he found out that he can't come home for the summer like he did last year. At this point it's been about a month and a half, and the whole thing has really taken a toll on me. I can't help but still want to get back together with him, cause I think we still work very well together in general and I still care about him more than I've cared about most people in my life, but he made up his mind about this whole thing a long time ago without consulting me at all, and I don't think there's anything I can say or do to convince him this was a mistake. And I know that I should forget about it and that I deserve so much better than someone who stops showing me he cares about me after three months, but I also know how capable he is of being so much better than he was to me. I'm very conflicted by the whole thing. Anyway, currently we're taking a break from having direct contact with one another; I haven't seen him in about a month when we had a very pleasant conversation in person about the breakup, and since then we've only had one short, friendly conversation about how things are going in each of our lives. I know that I should move on and forget about him as anything more than a good friend, but I really don't want to, and I don't want him to, either.
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