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bloodbones
322 M Embraced 3
PathStep 28 Compassion hearts45 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceAugust 21, 2021
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Locked In
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by bloodbones
Last post
 October 27th, 2021
...See more I feel trapped, in heavy chains. imprisoned in my own body, even. the weight i carry is beyond extreme. im battling substance abuse in secret. hiding from friends, and family because im too ashamed to expose myself. i know i cause much chaos and instability in all relationships. i like to think i should just go away, as everyone would be better off without me. i want to seek treatment, and become sober, yet my head wants to stay using. i don’t know. i hurt my loved ones, i’m sure. the messes i created for others and myself. it’s a constant internal tug-a-war game in my head, between sobriety and self destruct.
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venting/struggling
Addiction Support / by bloodbones
Last post
 October 10th, 2021
...See more i’ve been scared to post my deeper struggles, hope this is a safe place. i been using m3th since March. my moms a user as well; prob for a long time. rather than offering help, i sneak to get it, without her around. i use it to cope; ptsd, helps my appetite/weight, energy boost, etc. i feel i can’t live without it even tho i want to stop; i hate the withdrawals. i tell myself to stop then tell myself “yep i knew i was gonna do it” stuff like that. i find my moms behaviors/feelings in my own experience and hate to be like that. i wonder if the drug is the explanation for the family dysfunction and mental/emotional abuse. idk i’m lost, been lost since 12. theres too much traumas that i feel it too much effort to face. idk? i’m(20) the oldest sibling and try my best to raise/parent them bc my mom won’t do it.. and be the ‘parent’ i wish i had growing up, which is super stressful when im suffering
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