Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
blueLemon2992
146 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceMay 18, 2021
Bio
Recent forum posts
blueLemon2992 profile picture
Was I sexually abused as a child? Help!
Trauma Support / by blueLemon2992
Last post
 May 20th, 2021
...See more Hello, I’m new here. I wanted to share my story and get your thoughts. Throughout my child and teenage years, I have always felt uncomfortable around my father. I love him dearly, and he loves me and would never hurt me, but I wonder if some reoccurring scenarios would be considered sexual abuse. I have memories of these things occurring mostly through my teen and college years. He would always slap my butt- several times a week to hear the whacking sound. He would poke me in my sides even though I was jumpy and told him it inflicted pain- but he was just “messing around.” And all the time, I would somehow accidentally walk in on him as he was changing, and he would always make a big deal about it to the whole family about “how come Ashley always walks in on me when I’m in my underwear” “she does it on purpose to see me” which obviously wasn’t true. When I was in college, I discovered porn history on his computer and found photos on his phone of someone I think he may have been having an affair with. He never tried to molest me or anything, but these things have bothered me deeply for years. I feel so uncomfortable and never want to hug him and am always jumpy around him. It’s sort of a similar situation with my grandfather- except he would actually make sexual comments to me about being sexy and having great boobs. Now I’m married and really struggle with intimacy. My husband is amazing and so sweet, but a lot of times when he is getting undressed, being sexual, wanting me to touch him, etc- I get so uncomfortable and it gives me anxiety. Which I hate because he’s my husband! So what do you think? I know so many others have been through real sexual trauma, and I’ve debated for years wondering if I just have issues or anxiety for no reason. Are my fears / anxieties reasonable? I just have no one to talk to about this so I appreciate the feedback. Thanks in advance.
Search more from @blueLemon2992
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
7 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Honest Voice First Post Reaching out First Compassion Teammate
Report an issue