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blueeyedmama26
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceSeptember 7, 2021
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Stuck and confused
Relationship Stress / by blueeyedmama26
Last post
 September 11th, 2021
...See more Hey Everyone. I'm new to the app but wanted to give it a try. I'm going through a recent breakup and hoping for some insight/thoughts and support. My ex bf and I were together almost 4 years. During that time frame, he moved out and went back to his ex. He also cheated on me, lied and hid stuff from me. He also lost his job of 10+ years and his mom passed away, both of which gave him severe depression and anxiety. It's been a hard few years. Needless to say, I stuck around bc I love him and always remembered the man I fell in love with. However, I finally called it quits in June. We were fighting all the time, there was so much tension. He didn't want to deal with his depression/anxiety and wanted to shut me and the 3 kids (2 his and 1 mine) out and not be a partner in the relationship. Then one day, I just couldn't do it anymore. When I told him I was done and we needed to go our separate ways, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Since then, he has reached out to me multiple times wanting to get back together. Says he is in therapy for help with his depression, which is great! I'm just not sure I'll ever trust him again. He says he was wrong for cheating, lying etc but he justifies his past actions on his depression and it just doesn't sit right with me. He has said he would change and get help for his depression in the past, what's to say this time things will actually be different and that he is truly in therapy? It doesn't help either that when he moved out, instead of getting his own place or going to a friend's house, he moved right back in with his ex. We've discussed that and he's admitted that there was still emotional attachment their and he is working on dealing with that. I used to see a future with him, marriage etc. Recently when he contacts me to talk about getting back together, he tells me how much of a hard time one of his kids us having with all of this and he blames me for it. It breaks my heart that she is struggling with all of this but I don't agree with him trying to make me feel guilty. I know people and relationships can change and get better. I guess I'm just scared of being hurt again and don't want to put our 3 kids through the heartache again if it falls apart. I also feel like I lost myself the last couple of years trying to keep us afloat alone and when he moved out, I found a since of peace I haven't had in a long time. I'm scared to lose that. I'm just not sure if I should listen to my head, which says absolutely not, do not give it another chance. Or my heart, which loves him.
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