blueriver9 Member Profile

...See more In the past year I sustained a brain injury that changed my body and causes constant head pain, was betrayed by 3 what I thought were “best” friends (two in a toxic relationship who both scapegoated and ghosted me because I knew too much about both of them cheating on the other, both having mental health issues, one massively addicted to alcohol who talks to “demons” in their house in tongues and the other weaponizing mental health, faking stories for attention, having manic episodes but is somehow never wrong and always attacking me out of jealously, and the third friend became friends with them after the betrayal and I asserted that boundary of not having ties to trauma in my life which they didn’t respect), had to cut off my father due to his continued verbal/emotional harmful nature that has happened since my childhood(I’m now in my late 20s), was “emotionally” cheated on by my partner who was self sabotaging our relationship because they didn’t feel good enough for me despite me treating them like gold and loving them deeply(mental health is a big factor which they are trying to work on), got laid off from my job because of my injury and have to move in two months and have no money(very hard to get a job with this injury), and have become somewhat scared of the world and people despite loving both prior. I’ve always been a social person, very outgoing. I now have little desire to make friends because of what I went through and somehow am still holding onto my hope for the future despite it all. I never got to speak my peace/ stand up for myself with any of the “friends” listed. I was abandoned without closure and made into a villain to help cover up the truth. I’ve never trusted my father but I worked to have a relationship despite all he’s done. It hurts me that he will never change. I’ve let go of all these people, I don’t see them as losses, more so rotten apples or dead limbs shed. I don’t feel hatred, or love. But I am plagued with memories because nostalgia is a liar and my heart is too big for it’s own good. Dreams/nightmares I struggle with. I have felt peace finally with them gone and I know it’s true that they were always problematic it just took all this for me to accept it was the case all along. My brain injury makes things/thoughts harder to let go of and I’ve felt really alone in this past year of my life. Trying to hold on. I want to make better memories and have a happy future, I want to have friends I can trust and celebrate. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I’m starting to paint again, slowly getting back into the gym and my foraging hobbies. Unfortunately there was a family death and the funeral fell directly on my birthday this past Saturday and the day of I had chills and that began a 6 day stretch of being completely bedridden with the flu. I wanted this birthday to feel better than the last spent with people who didn’t love me. I’m not sure how to pick myself up after that not being able to happen as well. If you have any advice or experience I’d really love to hear it. Thanks for reading my story

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Hello there, I'm Graham, and I'm thrilled to be a therapist within the warm...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio