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booksandsleep12
2,162 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts28 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 2, 2016
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Getting over things from the past.. (toxicity in my relationship)
Relationship Stress / by booksandsleep12
Last post
 May 20th, 2021
...See more I have written in this forum before and I felt like it really helped. In the past year, on a couple of occasions, my boyfriend used to get kind of pouty/frustrated when I didn't want to have sex. Not when I said flat out no, but when I wasn't sure and we started being intimate then I didn't want to anymore. He mostly just seemed distant and pouty for a few minutes than would be fine. More recently, I really tried to explain to him why it wasn't nice and how it made me feel and basically said it needed to change or else I would have to walk away. Since then (and like every problem we've ever had in our relationship) he has changed his behaviour and it hasn't been a problem since. One thing he's really good at is once I tell him something is a no-go, he does actually stop the behaviour. What the problem now is though is for some reason I still can't get over it? that he acted that way in the first place? I have just heard horror stories of how much of a red flag it is and to run. I guess I just would want an outsiders opinion on this topic, and if they believe it's still ok to be with him despite the toxic spout in our past.
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I need advise on if my boyfriend has done something wrong or if I am just traumatized
Relationship Stress / by booksandsleep12
Last post
 January 22nd, 2021
...See more I thought I was in a loving relationship with my boyfriend until I thought about a random incident and our sex life in general. To be transparent, my previous relationship I was sexually assaulted. This being a new one, I am very sensitive to sexual things or being taken advantaged of. I just want to make sure my boyfriend didn't do anything wrong, because I love him so much and don't want it my inner thoughts (if they are not valid) to ruin our relationship. Basically I have been thinking that when we first started dating (2 years ago) I sort of felt pressured. I non-verbally consented i think, because during the intimate parts, I indicated my consent in natural ways, like being involved, making sounds, reciprocating touch etc. However in my head, I felt a little discomfort and uncomfortable, I just never said anything, and honestly, I think I was just a bit undecided if I wanted to so I just went with it. My face never showed my reconsidering though I don't think, and he didn't ask (I think out of just not thinking to because I seemed into it) so I do think it would be unfair to blame my partner when he at this point did not know my history with sex. But. I still think about this encounter and it affects me for some reason. I think it's just the confusion of consent and that internally I wasn't sure and it happened anyway. Now, he knows everything since I confided in him. And because of that, he is so intuned with me and sex. Even if a slight pass of questioning goes over my face that looks like reconsidering second thoughts he immediately stops what he's doing and checks in on me. It wasn't like that at the beginning and we sorta just did it with not a lot of emotion involved yet, and I just dont really know where to go from here. I guess I am just looking for reassurance that it isn't bad to stay with him and consider this a normal interaction with maybe just some mixed feelings on my end and not an invasion or breach of my trust initially. And if it is okay, will these feelings of doubt go away? Also I am considering trying medication for anxiety, do you think it would make these thoughts stop also?
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