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braveSky46
3,545 M Seeking Light 2
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts233 Forum posts19 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2019 Member sinceJune 4, 2018
Bio

I used to have a different account but I lost my email and password so here I am again. I'm a totally different person than I used to be anyway so a new start might be a good thing to do. I recently lost my mother and I am completely lost in this fast-forward world. My mind is slow and i'm still trying to find any meaning to this new life without her here...

Recent forum posts
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The 36 Questions That Lead to Love
Relationship Stress / by braveSky46
Last post
 July 25th, 2018
...See more The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the studys authors, One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue. I found this article online and have tried to complete it too. I believe it would be an interesting idea to see others answers and know each other a bit more. You can answer in 3 steps, as there a 3 sets of 12 questions, but I will put them all in this post. Set I 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 4. What would constitute a perfect day for you? 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Set II 13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 14. Is there something that youve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why havent you done it? 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 16. What do you value most in a friendship? 17. What is your most treasured memory? 18. What is your most terrible memory? 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 20. What does friendship mean to you? 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other peoples? 24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Set III 25. Make three true we statements each. For instance, We are both in this room feeling ... 26. Complete this sentence: I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... 27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone youve just met. 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why havent you told them yet? 34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 36. Share a personal problem and ask your partners advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. Enjoy!
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Looking for a listener who can deal with grief & work issues
General Support / by braveSky46
Last post
 June 8th, 2018
...See more Hello. I'm a 27 female from Romania. Recently my mother died so I am having extremely hard time managing my personal life with my work life. I'm afraid daily that I will make a mistake and lose my only stable thing in my life at the moment - my workplace. I would like to speak with a listener who is definitely experienced with this kind of stuff, a listener who will not give me advices or try to make me feel better by telling me I will be alright. I won't be alright. I will just learn to manage as I take day by day, moment after moment. It's really hard and I have no one to talk with about this pain that is crushing me inside. I would prefer an adult who either has personal experience with trauma, PTSD, grief and emotional issues OR someone who listened to other people with these issues so is ready to have patience with me too. I also appreciate listeners who have taken courses available here on 7 Cups as this shows me you are commited to the cause and want to learn more all the time. I am able to talk with people long and short term. I live in Romania so my time zone is GMT+2. I am 7 hours ahead EST time. Thank you!
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My mother died and I don't know how to be anything anymore.
Trauma Support / by braveSky46
Last post
 June 5th, 2018
...See more "On April 12th it was a Thursday. I was just going to her after work to meet there with my father and my older sister. We went to give her more pampers and some pajamas. She was quite down when we all went in and see her. She wasnt able to speak much or be focused. I started crying so intensely I had to leave the room she was in. A nurse told me to keep it together because I cant let my mom see me this way. And also its not so bad, I just need to speak with the doctor so calm myself down a bit. After my dad and my sister left, I went back to give her another pajama because the one I bought was too small so I had to buy another one. She was a bit more focused this time around, at about 1 hour distance. She was actually grumpy about the fact she left herself get to that stage. I was so happy to see her grumpy. I called my dad and my sister and told them she feels so much better now. How naive I was that night… My dad celebrated with my grandma (his mom) and we all had our hopes up. We thought its only the meds that keep her in such a bad state of mind. I scheduled a meeting with the doctor for the next day, Friday April 13th. I had a bad feeling because I dislike Friday 13ths… However I went the next morning to meet the doctor. I waiter for him about 2 hours… He never came to our meeting. So I had to leave because I had to work that day. A few hours later, at lunch, my dad called me to say my mom was taken to the ITU (Intensive Therapy Unit). I was in shocked. I couldnt believe it. She was almost alright the night before… I felt so guilty for leaving the hospital to go to work. I was crying and talking on the phone all the time that day with my father… my older sister… the doctor. The doctor wasnt giving her much chances. I said to myself. Im ready. Im ready to give her my liver. What do I have to do? Alright. So they think she might have cancer… Alright… Breathe. Breathe. Im panicking. I cant do anything right. Please, God, save her! Everyone at work was seeing Im in such a bad state and they had no idea what to say. I was unable to work, I was moving randomly through the office and crying and trying to think about solutions. I couldnt believe she was in the ITU. Finally, my boss told me I can leave earlier. I was so relieved because they told us we cant see her for more than 2 mins each between 5 PM and 5:30 PM. I was finishing work normally at 6:30 PM. And they let me leave at about 3 PM. I went to the church that day. I tried to focus on my prayer but didnt know how to pray properly. I left with a peaceful soul trying to think its going to be alright. It will be because I was going to do everything in my power to save her. I didnt care what I needed to do, I was going to do it. When we went there we had to wait for about 30 mins over the scheduled time. I found out at the ITU there was quarantine for the flu so the schedule wasnt going to be respected… Finally, when we had to go in we had to put some scrubs and shoes. I started crying instantly but the nurse told me she wouldnt let me in if im crying. I said im not crying. And there she was… all disoriented but so pretty. They were keeping her naked and I was so embarrassed for her. I knew if she was able to see herself for real she wouldnt let herself in that state. I approached her and took her hand and kissed her. I was trying my best to keep it together so the nurse wouldnt kick me out. I told her my younger sister entered the masters degree she wanted to. She was so happy! We were happy together for the first time in about a week, as the days before she wasnt really able to stay awake. I told her I love you. And she said I love you too my dear. A few days before that moment she replied with a simple Thank you, haha. Now I knew she was there with me. My heart was broken because I had to leave her there alone and needed to go so my older sister and my dad could see her too. My face was read because of so much crying when I left the room. I collapsed on the floor of the corridor and started crying so much. I realized there was probably not much to do anymore. I couldnt believe it. It was so much. We were talking for months to go to the doctor or something but she refused. She sure knew she was sick but didnt know exactly what is happening with her or how serious it is. She used to tell me in her last days that this isnt a disease she has. Its just reactions to the painkillers and all the other meds she is taking. But no… looks like it was a very bad liver disease. Two days after that day she was dead. Dead. I cant accept death. I cant accept what happened even now after almost a month since it happened. My dad is completely broken. My younger sister is alone in London forcing herself to study to finish her bachelor degree. My older sister is fighting with her own depression. Were devastated." This is something I wrote about a month ago. I still feel destroyed deep inside. I can't find any meaning to life anymore. I'm so freakin sad and ashamed. I feel so guilty.
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