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braveWillow19
325 M Embraced 3
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts64 Forum posts17 Forum upvotes36 Current upvotes36 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceMarch 7, 2022
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Mental Health Illnesses and “Energy Vampires”
General Support / by braveWillow19
Last post
 June 26th, 2023
...See more I have been wondering about this for a while now. So out of nowhere, crystals and energies and auras have blown up on the internet like crazy and lately it’s like everybody bases everything on them. It makes me so sad that when people are depressed or have a mental illness/disorder/issue/anything, they are clearly not all happy vibes and sunshine. They are sad, and it shows. Then people will really call them out for “giving bad energy,” or “being energy vampires” or are being “creepy” when it is something that they can’t really help at the moment. They aren’t hurting you. They don’t have bad intentions or anything, they’re just sad. If anything, they have the biggest, most caring hearts you might ever know. But people want to base it off of first impressions and what the general public considers “bad vibes”.
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Feel like everyone thinks I’m crazy but I don’t think I am
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by braveWillow19
Last post
 September 6th, 2022
...See more Today my manager asked me, “Are you losing yourself/it?” talking in our language and for me, that was a real confirmation that the people around me do think I’m going crazy. I’m still working even if I recently developed severe social anxiety and depression symptoms beginning this year. I can’t afford to not work. Although what she said didn’t hurt me as much as I thought it would. I’ve already kind of “accepted” what was going on around me. I always feel like everyone is staring at me and they know that my thoughts are constantly racing. I know no body can read minds but it’s still this irrational feeling that they know what’s happening with me. Because that would explain people treating me differently from before. It would explain the people always trying to leave as quickly as possible whenever I try to start a convo. It would explain their uncomfortable shifting around me. Anyways, I looked at my manager and I answered her, “Yeah, maybe. Are you?” Whether it’s BPD, AvPD, SAD or anything, I think I have accepted I may or may not have a mental disorder. And it’s okay. After I said that, her eyes widened and she said, “No, you (do).” And I shrugged her off and went back to my post. Because I was even having a “pretty good” day working. I was talking to customers, trying to smile and make conversation. And I think she saw that and couldn’t stand it. I feel like people continuously want you to fail. When they see you are doing good, they will want to take that away from you. There is gonna be people like that in the world. Your only solution is to ignore, fight, or stick it to them. Their thoughts of you are not your own. Let them think what they think. Do everything with love and let go of their negative energies and agendas. Unhappy people will try to hurt you. Like shit, I’m unhappy too but I don’t intend to hurt others. No matter how cruel the world can be, keep being kind and remember who you are.
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Severe social anxiety lie I can’t talk to ANYONE without feeling like doodoo
Anxiety Support / by braveWillow19
Last post
 August 15th, 2022
...See more I’ve been feeling depressed and anxious for 8 months to a year now. I feel like everything good I had in my life is gone. So much shit has happened but I think this is the worst one. I had worked food service ever since I was able to start working. Then I had an opportunity to change from food service to customer service. I thought that would be better cause I didn’t have to deal with cleaning and all that other stuff. I was really confident that it would help me stop being so shy. The job even paid significantly better, but I left it because it caused me a lot of social anxiety I never knew I had. I resent it now because I can’t work anywhere anymore. I think that job messed me up. I was so afraid everyday to clock in because I knew I would be facing customers and trying to make small talk. I’m a huge introvert and get so shy to speak, it’s embarrassing. I stayed at that job for six months and I never realized until after I left the job that I would be dissociating right in front of them. In front of all my customers and co-workers, I would scan their items and then just stare into a blank void for a good 5 seconds. I would be working while staring blankly at nothing. How did I even do that? I didn’t know I was doing it but what I did know was all the stares I was getting from everybody. I wondered “Why are they avoiding me? My line is open.” or “Why are they acting so uncomfortable around me?” It constantly freaked me out. I would drive to and from work sobbing because I was wondering why my customers were all treating me this way. I stayed up late at nights dreading to go back to work. Then I would start my shift drinking a ton of coffee from having no sleep and the caffeine would make my heart pound like crazy making me even more nervous around my customers. I told my boyfriend this every night. He said it was all in my head. I would be crying and telling him he didn’t understand how I felt. My customers always stared at me or got irritated with me quickly. Also, I live on a small island and the job was at a private site where it was the same regular customers every day. I worked 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with that. Constant fear. I was happy at my old job, and I spoke to customers and people TOTALLY FINE. So idk what had triggered in me but I constantly have this feeling in my head now that people think I’m crazy. I tried going back to my old job but the feeling never left. I was wondering why my coworkers were staring at me and treating me differently along with the customers. I tried controlling my dissociating but it would freak me out even more and I would have a panic attack right in front of everybody. I’ll spill drinks, topple over all the cups. When I’m getting change or money, I have a hard time counting. I stare at something that I’m getting for like 2 seconds every time. It’s like I’m forever in slow motion and I can’t stop it. Then I look back at my customer who just witnessed everything and then I think that they think I’m crazy. It’s a loop from hell. I thought I would get better with exposure to it because after I left that customer service job, I didn’t work for about 2 months. I thought I needed that time to heal from whatever the hell that shit was. But it didn’t. So I’m still working cause I have to pay bills but I don’t feel the same way at all. I can’t talk to my coworkers without them being uncomfortable and wanting as much as possible to flee from the conversation. I feel that all my customers are looking at me like I’m crazy and that they know I’m dealing with a lot of anxiety. I tried giving it time, I tried to act “cool” with everything and didn’t fight the dissociating but it’s still there. The constant fear. It’s gotten so much bigger and it’s made me not want to interact with anybody but my boyfriend (who is my rock after all this). So like yo, if somebody could help me out and tell me what’s happening with me, like that would be great. Like I thought I was weird and awkward before but look at me now lol. And again small island so depression and stuff like that is kinda voodoo around here so I don’t really have a choice for professional help except the one mental hospital we have here.
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Terrible at presentations
Anxiety Support / by braveWillow19
Last post
 March 20th, 2022
...See more So I took a class in college for the heck of it. It’s a communications class that’s supposed to teach you how to do presentations and speeches better. So far, I feel like I’m the quietest and most awkward one in there. I’m terrible at presentations. So I wanted to take this class to improve but I think it’s only highlighted my lack of presentation skills. I get nervous and I try so hard to calm down but my voice is wavering and I feel like it’s so obvious I’m scared. I cannot even look people in the eyes for a full convo when I talk to them. How can I do it in front of a class?? It’s so stressful, I literally always feel like I’m having a panic attack in that class before every presentation. It’s only made it worse bc I always skip class on the day we do present. It’s frustrating. I’m trying to calm down before I go up and get this over with. Any tips? They would be greatly appreciated (:
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It’s getting worse
Anxiety Support / by braveWillow19
Last post
 March 9th, 2022
...See more I'm really tired of having negative thoughts in my head. Today was my first day back to face-to-face classes and I felt more out of place than ever. I was making friends with these two that I had talked to previously and while we talked and laughed at things, I had this huge feeling inside me that I was being weird. I felt like they were feeling weird talking to me but still kept talking to me because they tried not to mind it. It's very different for how it is with me and my coworkers of 4 years. My coworkers don't like speaking to me. I think I give them an awkward vibe and while they exchange some words our conversations are never longer than 5 minutes. They think I'm weird. I wasn't like this before. I spoke freely and did not have thoughts like this. How do I stop them? Every time I'm talking to new peoples and anyone besides my family and boyfriend, this feeling comes up that I'm being weird. I start looking around or dissociating and zoning out into my own thoughts. It's very obvious. I hate the feeling. How do I stop it? Help please.
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Just want to make friends!
Depression Support / by braveWillow19
Last post
 March 19th, 2022
...See more Anybody just want to make new friends? A lot of my friends all dropped me so I got hurt. Real bad. Especially when I see all their posts on instagram without me. They said “people change” but they all still hang out together, just not with me. I don’t want to feel sad about it anymore. I’m a strong person. I’d like to think I’m funny and a really friendly person to be with. I am a loyal and caring friend. Just wanted to see if there’s others who have been through this. Or any advice would help really. Keep your heads up. ❤️
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