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brightGrapefruit2651
165 M Embraced 1
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2019 Member sinceJune 6, 2019
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I can't take it anymore (part 2)
Depression Support / by brightGrapefruit2651
Last post
 June 6th, 2019
...See more So my uncle touch me and I hated my self but it got to a point I had panic attack's, I felt so alone with no one to talk to about this and hated, at this point I haven't yet felt like everything that went wrong was my foulf but it started when my uncle tried to take my pants of but I kicked him and he stopped but he got mad and slapped me, I was crying really bad and went to tell her but obviously I had anxiety and didn't tell her about him takeing my pants of so I told her he slapped me, she got really sad but mostly mad to the point she lost the baby my sibling that was in her stomach, I got more depressed about the baby lost and even on this day I still blame my self for it I keep telling my self " you are a murderer", "you shouldn't have said nothing" and " this is all your fault". And it tough really though to the point I don't even have the feeling to live anymore, and in 8th grade it when I started to hate my body, why?? Well I started to notice that in every group of so called "friends" they were all skinny and I was the fat one but the thing that makes me cry is when some calls themselves fat and they are not like have you look at me I look like a pig!!! , I also hate my nose, it so big and fat that I self harm my self for it, I been called many names because of my nose for example shrek, hammer and ogre even by my one dad!!, I hate being known by my big nose so much there were times I was thinking to kill my self but I was to scared. And I always wondered how am I going to survive?????????
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I can't take it no more. (Part 1)
Depression Support / by brightGrapefruit2651
Last post
 June 6th, 2019
...See more I dont even know why im posting this if no one is going to read it but here i go....I feel like I'm just crazy of something because I don't know what to do with life, its like if I want to do something good it turns to something bad. I want to text/talk to people about this but my anxiety won't let me, the little voice in my head it's like "don't tell nobody because they won't care" or "stop you are just waisting there time". I just don't want to feel like this, and and a type of person who blames them self for everything, it all started when I was 9, one day I was bored and went walking to my cousins house but he wasn't the so I asked my uncle where was he at and he said at the store so I stayed there waiting for him, my uncle was throwing my baby cousins on the bed while they laughed and he looks at me and said "do you want me to throw you too?" And I said yes because there wasn't nothing wrong with it so I stand there waiting for him to throw me and out of nowhere he starts to touch my thighs and my chest, I was young but no stupid so I went running to my house but that wasn't the only day because there were more and worser, since I have really bad anxiety I never told no one. And ever since It happened I always tell my self "you are so disgusting going to his house" and stuff like that and that then i realise I hated my self....(if you actually want to keep on reading the go to part 2)
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