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brightLemon1722
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceApril 17, 2023
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Balancing self-worth and being forgiving
Relationship Stress / by brightLemon1722
Last post
 April 25th, 2023
...See more Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a friend with who he shares common interests. They met 5 months ago and started texting and sending voice messages daily throughout the day. Then she started sending gifts by mail. These included coins for his collection and books on relationships and dating, as well as many greeting cards. I brought up the topic initially when I felt he was not replying to me as fast even though I could tell he was on whatsapp. He stated he was a friend and they shared a lot in common. He said she was having relationship issues and wanted his advice. He said he was helping her. Later she sent a gift to his mother. More recently we have an argument. We were both angry and he said "she opens up to me which you don't really do". That was the very first time he even said that, I am an open book and often asked him how come he doesn't ask me questions about my past or what I did when I was younger. I love him and want him in my life but there is a disconnect now, and I loss of trust. From my perspective it looks like an emotional affair/long distance thing. She lives in another states which allows for distance. His approach was to initially stop talking to her as much. Then switched to *** and they have continued to talk though less often than before. When he texted her about stopping or decreasing I asked what he ended up telling her and he said just trust me, I can't tell you what I told her, but if us talking mKes you uncomfortable im going to stop it. I like to respect boundaries so I don't ask him to show me anything. I go by his word, which has lost some value. He is a great man but made a mistake somewhere. I am distrustful by nature and thats my default. I can try to salvage but can't help feeling stupid and naive. We both put effort into the relationship and I am so, so , so hurt it has come down to distrust, hiding, distance. Needless to say in terms of depression I have been spiraling down for several weeks. I feel my affect is totally different and gathered the strength to reach out to people here thanks to a friend. Please share your thoughts. I really appreciate it.
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