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brightOcean8706
1 205 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 10, 2021
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Should I try and save my marriage?
Relationship Stress / by brightOcean8706
Last post
 February 11th, 2021
...See more About a year ago my husband cheated on me emotionally with someone. He was sharing inappropriate things by text.. And looking back I see why. I was very rude, mean and mistreated him and my son badly. Our son definitely put a strain in our marriage, my husband never helped me with our son or helped me with simple favors during and after my pregnancy. Sooo we separated for 2 months after I found out of his infidelity. I gave him a second chance after he promised me that things would change and I came back home. But things didnt change. He was just cold with me. Not loving or affectionate and always being on his phone. And I just couldn't let go what he did to me. I kept trying to forgive him but couldn't. I didnt trust him. I looked through his phone every night. Mind you, one particular time when I looked through his phone I saw a prepared message for the girl he cheated on me with. He never sent it but it was a message that was still there soo i dont know and ill never know if they were still talking after I came back... Anyways, I was always begging him for love, affection and reassurance and at this point I was really unhappy and depressed. I was so unhappy I went as far as to look for a girl online and i was going to pay her $300 to see if my husband was going to cheat, i felt that was my only way out. But the last couple of weeks he started to notice that I was really unhappy and depressed and was doing everything and I mean everything to make me happy again but I was being mean and pushing him away and telling him that I wasnt happy anymore and I even said some horrible things that took it too far and he found out about me finding a girl for him to cheat with and now we are separated again because of this. Even before we separated he wanted to fix things, despite what I did but I chose to leave.. And worst of all I even cheated on him. Not emotionally but physically. I met a guy on social media met up with him 2 times and had sex with him. He doesnt know. And i feel like this makes me more of a horrible person then him because he didnt do anything like this to me. I just felt like since he cheated on me I could do it back and it would make me feel better but it didnt. It just made me feel dirty. I want to call him to work things out but honestly I don't know if I should... Since we have been separated I dont feel sad, feel normal. I do still love him and feel bad for what I did and said to him. We have been together for 12 years and I want our family back together. But I dont know if I should try or if he even deserves me for what I did to him. Should I work it out with my husband or should we continue going our separate ways???
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