Should I try and save my marriage?
About a year ago my husband cheated on me emotionally with someone. He was sharing inappropriate things by text.. And looking back I see why. I was very rude, mean and mistreated him and my son badly. Our son definitely put a strain in our marriage, my husband never helped me with our son or helped me with simple favors during and after my pregnancy. Sooo we separated for 2 months after I found out of his infidelity. I gave him a second chance after he promised me that things would change and I came back home. But things didnt change. He was just cold with me. Not loving or affectionate and always being on his phone. And I just couldn't let go what he did to me. I kept trying to forgive him but couldn't. I didnt trust him. I looked through his phone every night. Mind you, one particular time when I looked through his phone I saw a prepared message for the girl he cheated on me with. He never sent it but it was a message that was still there soo i dont know and ill never know if they were still talking after I came back... Anyways, I was always begging him for love, affection and reassurance and at this point I was really unhappy and depressed. I was so unhappy I went as far as to look for a girl online and i was going to pay her $300 to see if my husband was going to cheat, i felt that was my only way out. But the last couple of weeks he started to notice that I was really unhappy and depressed and was doing everything and I mean everything to make me happy again but I was being mean and pushing him away and telling him that I wasnt happy anymore and I even said some horrible things that took it too far and he found out about me finding a girl for him to cheat with and now we are separated again because of this. Even before we separated he wanted to fix things, despite what I did but I chose to leave.. And worst of all I even cheated on him. Not emotionally but physically. I met a guy on social media met up with him 2 times and had sex with him. He doesnt know. And i feel like this makes me more of a horrible person then him because he didnt do anything like this to me. I just felt like since he cheated on me I could do it back and it would make me feel better but it didnt. It just made me feel dirty. I want to call him to work things out but honestly I don't know if I should... Since we have been separated I dont feel sad, feel normal. I do still love him and feel bad for what I did and said to him. We have been together for 12 years and I want our family back together. But I dont know if I should try or if he even deserves me for what I did to him. Should I work it out with my husband or should we continue going our separate ways???
Hi there.. This sounds like you’ve been really dealing with a lot. Not really sure how your relationship was “before” your son? But it seems you said it really took a toll on the relationship. And a lot of mean words were said and feelings elaborated. You say you still love him, but what does that mean for you? I’m honestly seeing (or reading) A lot of work here needs to be done between the both of you. Feelings need to be talked about, and truths need to be told. Because truthfully if you are married and considering moving forward to try and work on things, then you will need to come clean and confess to him what happened. Because in the end if you try to make things work, it could possibly come back to haunt you and make things even worse if he happens to find out some how. It could be as simply as you getting mad with him again and it slipping out, & throwing it in his face?! You know? Only YOU know your relationship and your feelings, and what you want. Nobody here can tell you what to do or even suggest to you that you stay together or break up! That is clearly something you have to come to your own conclusion on. You have to be the one to decide if being together is worth it. If that is what you really want. If He is what you really want? You say you love him but are you “in love” with him? I love the beach. I love Pizza . So you have to decide what kind of love you truly have for him as well. Perhaps marriage counseling could help you to sort through your feelings together as a couple? If that is something you can afford to do. Perhaps even making a list of pros/cons of the relationship and discussing them together. You each make one? Talk about those things. Decide if it’s worth the effort to move past the drama and put forth more effort towards one another? It’s really about your individual feelings towards one another. You can’t have a relationship if the feelings aren’t there for it. And you can’t have a relationship above all without TRUST! Good luck to you moving forward on whatever you both decide and choose to do!