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brightOwl2869
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceJune 20, 2025
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I originally posted this on my peer group but thought maybe I’d try here too. Just looking for some insight on a difficult situation
Relationship Stress / by brightOwl2869
Last post
 July 17th, 2025
...See more Hi everyone! First time posting. I apologize for it being a long one. My husband and I (M43/ F41) have been together for 27 years and celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary in August. Been together since we were 14/16 high school sweethearts. We have always been best friends, learned life together hard times and all and have built an amazing life. He is a great man and the best father to our 4 children. Got married young with nothing to our names, started 2 very successful businesses that he has worked so hard at so that I would be able to stay at home with our kids. He provides for us over the top. He really really cares and is an amazing man. The hardest worker I know. He is literally perfect. Except a few years into marriage I caught him on chatting sites he should not be on. When confronted he apologized and we worked through it. Fast forward another few years and I find out he’s on different sites and has posted pics of me (private pics meant for his eyes only) without my knowledge. Along with being on sites that made me incredibly uncomfortable. We talked and worked through things and decided to maybe approach things differently and explore together online. We’ve always been really sexual with each other and love trying new things. This led us to some fun experiences traveling and meeting new people. We aren’t swingers but do dable in the lifestyle but have never had sex with anyone but each other. We take lifestyle trips with close friends we’ve met along the way. I always tell him that as long as we are doing it together it is fine. I never shut down any ideas or turn ons until we’ve talked about them together. I’ve been very open minded and it’s been amazing and made us so much closer. So imagine my surprise when I accidentally came across some vulgar pics of me posted on a site that he forgot to get out of when I was using his phone. Not only that but making comments on other women pretending it was me. The thing is he isn’t honest about it and only tells me half truths unless I call him on it and have irrefutable evidence. This has been something that has been bothering me because I never know what else he is doing unless I catch him bc he’s not honest about it. I don’t understand why he has to do this without me. I’ve never said no my only rule is we have to do it together. It’s been ongoing it feels like through our whole marriage. I ask him what it is I’m not providing so I can try and trust me we’ve tried just about everything. I am very open minded. We are both very attractive fit people and I’ve always taken pride in my appearance for him but after finding out about it this time I have given up. On myself, our sex life, everything. It’s like I’ve shut down and can’t get back out of this hole I’ve dug myself in. I’ve gained weight and feel like trash all the time. I’ve talked to him and he is genuinely sorry and feels bad and makes the same promises of it not happening again. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t like feeling like I’m not enough for him. When I tell him this I can tell it really breaks his heart and he feels terrible for making me feel this way but has no answer as to why he does this. I just don’t know where to go from here. 
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Need some insight or an outsiders POV
35 & Over Community / by brightOwl2869
Last post
 July 26th, 2025
...See more Hi everyone! First time posting. I apologize for it being a long one. My husband and I (M43/ F41) have been together for 27 years and celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary in August. Been together since we were 14/16 high school sweethearts. We have always been best friends, learned life together hard times and all and have built an amazing life. He is a great man and the best father to our 4 children. Got married young with nothing to our names, started 2 very successful businesses that he has worked so hard at so that I would be able to stay at home with our kids. He provides for us over the top. He really really cares and is an amazing man. The hardest worker I know. He is literally perfect. Except a few years into marriage I caught him on chatting sites he should not be on. When confronted he apologized and we worked through it. Fast forward another few years and I find out he’s on different sites and has posted pics of me (private pics meant for his eyes only) without my knowledge. Along with being on sites that made me incredibly uncomfortable. We talked and worked through things and decided to maybe approach things differently and explore together online. We’ve always been really sexual with each other and love trying new things. This led us to some fun experiences traveling and meeting new people. We aren’t swingers but do dable in the lifestyle but have never had sex with anyone but each other. We take lifestyle trips with close friends we’ve met along the way. I always tell him that as long as we are doing it together it is fine. I never shut down any ideas or turn ons until we’ve talked about them together. I’ve been very open minded and it’s been amazing and made us so much closer. So imagine my surprise when I accidentally came across some vulgar pics of me posted on a site that he forgot to get out of when I was using his phone. Not only that but making comments on other women pretending it was me. The thing is he isn’t honest about it and only tells me half truths unless I call him on it and have irrefutable evidence. This has been something that has been bothering me because I never know what else he is doing unless I catch him bc he’s not honest about it. I don’t understand why he has to do this without me. I’ve never said no my only rule is we have to do it together. It’s been ongoing it feels like through our whole marriage. I ask him what it is I’m not providing so I can try and trust me we’ve tried just about everything. I am very open minded. We are both very attractive fit people and I’ve always taken pride in my appearance for him but after finding out about it this time I have given up. On myself, our sex life, everything. It’s like I’ve shut down and can’t get back out of this hole I’ve dug myself in. I’ve gained weight and feel like trash all the time. I’ve talked to him and he is genuinely sorry and feels bad and makes the same promises of it not happening again. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t like feeling like I’m not enough for him. When I tell him this I can tell it really breaks his heart and he feels terrible for making me feel this way but has no answer as to why he does this. I just don’t know where to go from here. 
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