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brokenflutterby
565 M Embraced 4
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes18 Current upvotes18 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 22, 2017
Recent forum posts
CPTSD and pregnancy/childbirth
Trauma Support / by brokenflutterby
Last post
 October 17th, 2019
...See more Ok so I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD from childhood sexual abuse. I spent a long time in psychotherapy and previously had mental health unit admissions because of the depression associated with it. I never thought I would get to the point where I could have a relationship, let alone get married and plan a family. The thing is I am now 23weeks pregnant and it's triggering my PTSD massively. My husband knows about my mental health issues but not abiuathe abuse, so I can't really talk to him about it. I have been thinking about telling him but it's complicated and I don't want it to change the way he sees me. I have made it clear to the midwife and obstetrician that I have PTSD, but they don't understand. I am incredibly worried about giving birth. If I have found examinations of my abdomen triggering, how will I cope with labour? I am having nightmares and flashbacks everyday. Feeling low and anxious all the time. I don't know how to cope with it and don't know where to get help. I'm not currently under any mental health professionals. Has anyone else here been through similar?
flutterby's diary (warning may be graphic at times)
Trauma Support / by brokenflutterby
Last post
 February 13th, 2018
...See more So I thought I would start my own diary entry and add to it when I can. I will gradually add my story here but may not be in the right order, just what I can manage at the time, and some thoughts I have about what is going on with me. Feel free to reply/add comments if you can relate to anything I talk about. Basically I came to 7cups for support for long term recovery from PTSD. I was under mental health services for years following an admission to a mental health unit, and had 4 years of pscyhotherapy after that. I have now been discharged from mental health and my medications are gradually being reduced by my family doctor to hopefully stop in the next year. A lot of things are changing for me and I cannot thank my psychotherapist enough for all the work she did with me. If you'd asked my 10 years ago if I could imagine being in the situation I am in now, I would have laughed you out the door. In 4 months I am getting married. I wouldn't have been able to imagine being in a relationship let alone imagine getting married! I was sexually abused from a very young age until I was 9, by my biological father. A combination of very complicated family dynamics meant it was impossible for me to know it was so wrong, or allow me to do anything about it. It's very easy as an adult to look at a situation like that and think "why wouldn't the child just say something, theres so many people she could talk to school, family etc" but it's just so much more complicated than that. The pscyhological affect sexual abuse has on a child cannot be overestimated. Abusers are clever, they have ways of manipulating children and have unimaginable control. If you've never been in a situation like that, you just cannot begin to comprehend the complexity. Over the years I have told a few people a little about what has happened to me and had a complete mix of reactions. People say things like, "it can't have been that bad or you would have told someone" or "I don't think that's even possible to do with a child of that age" but believe me anything is possible. I've had more than my fair share of people not believing me which is why I have stopped telling people in real life. Even my fiance does not know. I have wanted to tell him, to help him understand why I may not want to have sex whenever he does, why sometimes I feel vulnerable for no apparent reason. But I dont want him to change the way he looks at me, I don't want him to feel sorry for me, I just want to feel normal when I'm with him. Anyway I think that's enough for right now.
how to with news stories and people knowing about past>
Trauma Support / by brokenflutterby
Last post
 January 20th, 2018
...See more Hey so I'm BrokenFlutterby. I'm new here and not really sure how all this works, I joined a while ago but haven't really been active at all other than popping on and reading a few posts. I have PTSD from sexual abuse as a child. I've struggled with it for my whole life (I'm 29 now, it stopped 20 years ago). I have my coping mechanisms and had psychotherapy for 4 years. I was finally getting to the point where day to day, it wasn't interfering with life. But typically with PTSD I have triggers and sometimes it can just get too much. The last week there has been a lot of devastating stories on the news, which I mostly try to avoid, but people talk about these stories and this is something I can't avoid. For example on Thursday I was at work, my colleagues and I were in the drug room (I'm a nurse) preparing medicines when the topic of two news stories came up. My two colleagues were talking about it and I was trying to just switch off (which I have got pretty good at to protect myself) but then one of them turned to me and appolgised for talking about it in front of me saying she had just remembered something and realised it was insensitive to talk in front of me.... My main issue is that I had no idea she knew about my past. I have disclosed it to Occupational health at work and I know that the Senior manager knows as she has seen a psychiatric report detailing it, but I did not know that my line manager knew. I'm not really sure how to handle it.It's hard enough coping with the news and people talking about things like this as it is a massive trigger and will trigger flashbacks etc. But now knowing that my line manager knows about things that I have been to means that
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