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This is going to be a long post, I'm sorry in advanced and thank anyone who reads/replies.
My boyfriend and I had been together for almost exactly two years. Some things you need to know: I am (recently turned) 18, and he is 17 and a half. He works for a company with an extremely busy and unpredictable schedule, and so works a lot. Today was the last day of school, and so all the kids in my area are now free for the summer (from school). About two and a half weeks ago, we got into a bit of a nasty fight which was extremely rare for us as we did not fight often. During this fight, which lasted about two days, we both misunderstood the other and as result, both ended up with hurt feelings. I wasn't answering his texts because I needed some time to cool off and compose my thoughts (I don't like being rash and saying things I will regret). So he called me, and asked if he could come over so we coud talk it out. I agreed and he came over, and we sat on the front porch to talk it out. At first, because neither of us knew about the other person's view of this fight, it was just more fighting but then we started to talk about it in a way that was productive to ending the argument. He was hurt when the idea of us breaking up came up, and was very set on not wanting us to break up (the idea made him tear up), and just wanted the argument to end. We made up, after he told me that he just wanted us to be together happily and that he knows he gets angry very easily (he has some anger issues) and that he wanted me to help him learn how to not grow so angry so easily. We ended up going out for icecream and a walk, and it ended up being a good night. At the end of that night, we were back at my house sitting outside and he was telling me that he had such a good present for me for our two-year anniversary, which was coming up soon, and was teasing me with this because he knows how much I hate surprises and he wasn't telling me what the present was, just that I was going to love it. He seemed very excited about our upcoming anniversary, even though he was going to have to work that day so we were celebrating either the day before or the day after. We were happy, and fine, and the next week passed just fine. We were close, and held hands, etc.
Later that week, I spent the night at his house (as I did occasionally), and we tried to have sex. This is sometimes an issue for us, because sex for me is often painful or uncomfortable no matter what we do, and while he always finishes, it's something I consistently struggle to do (not by lack of trying on his part). However, he has always been as understanding and patient as possible, and has never really had much of problem with this. We did often have nice and very enjoyable sex sessions still, this was just a problem that happened sometimes. We eventually just cuddled up and went to sleep, and he seemed very happy with this, as he likes it when we sleep together in the same bed. I'm stating this because I don't think sex was the reason for the breakup.
Almost exactly a week after we resolved the previously mentioned argument, we were fine. This was four days before our two year anniversary. I was doing tie-dying in my art class and we were allowed to tie-dye multiple shirts. I thought I might buy him a white shirt to tie-dye, and so went to the store. While there, I was torn betwene what size I should buy for him, so I decided to call him and ask to be sure. I called him and he said that while he was a size L, I shouldn't buy him anything. In fact, he was EXTREMELY insistent that I DO NOT buy him anything. Not thinking anything of it at the time, because he often would tell me not to spend my money on him and to instead save it (he makes more than I do at his job, and I recently had to quit my job due to traveling issues and so was between jobs for a bit with no steady income), I bought him the shirt. I know now that he was planning on breaking up with me later that night, and that's why he was so insistent that I don't buy him anything.
At the end of the call, he told me he was currently at work, but would be off in 30 minutes. He asked if he could come to my house after work if I would be home then, and the way he phrased it made it seem like he just wanted to hang out, as he occasionally wanted to after he got off work (he sometimes works SUPER late, and so when he gets off at a decent hour and isn't too tired to, he would ask to see me). I agreed, said I love you, and hung up. At the time, not knowing what was coming, I didn't take notice if he said it back or not, and to this day I have no idea if he did. I wish I had thought to take notice.
I went home, and decided I was looking a little rough and wanted to look cute for when my boyfriend showed up to spend time with me. I brushed my hair, changed my outfit, and put some makeup on while I waited for him to come over. A little while later, he called and asked if I was home (I was), and said that he was, "on his way over so we could talk". I said okay and we hung up. I thought that wording was a little strange, but didn't take much notice in it because that day at school he had acted fine, we were as affectionate and loving as usual (even though I was a little tired that day as I had gone to the ER until early AM hours the night previous, not for myself but with a friend). I just assumed he meant talk as in hang out and talk with each other and just spend time with one another.
As I waited, I checked my email on my phone and was excited to see that the items I had ordered for our anniversary had just been shipped, and would arrive the day before our anniversary (May 18). For anyone who's curious, I ordered him a leather money clip-wallet thing, which I had customized to be engraved with a cute saying of ours, and the date we started dating. I had also ordered a framed painted portrait of us, from an artist that did realistic portraits based on photos you sent in (I sent her a picture of us at prom, from about a month before). I had saved for these for about two months, and put a lot of thought into it. I got excited, and began thinking about our upcoming anniversary and was happy.
He then texted me, "Come outside so we can talk". This was now the second time he had used the phrase, "so we can talk", and at this point I knew SOMETHING was up, but never in a million years did I expect what was coming. I guess I just thought he was going to tell me that he had to work the whole week so we would have to have our anniversary date together even later than expected previously, or that he just wanted to plan out our anniversary date night. I'm not sure what I realy expected, but it wasn't for him to out-of-the-blue dump me.
I went out to the front of my house, and he had already parked. He has an SUV type car, with those large trucks where the door comes up so you can sit in them, and we would often sit there to just talk and spend time together casually. He had this open and was already seated so I walked up and sat. His face looked a little sad, but I just assumed at first that he was tired from working, and asked how work was. He said it was, "fine...." and then I leaned in to kiss him. This is when I realized something was WRONG, because while he didn't pull away or push my off, he didn't kiss me back either. I asked him what was wrong, and he sat for a moment, not saying anything but obviously struggling with what to say. Finally, not looking at me, he told me.
He said that he still loved me, so SO much, but that he hadn't been happy for a while and didn't want to have to fake it anymore. He said that (because of work) he wasn't going to see me as much over the summer anyways (we had already knew this and planned time for each other for the summer to solve this issue), and how that ALSO wasn't fair to me. He said he still wanted me in his life, and to still be his best friend (he and I had always agreed that we were each other's best friend AS WELL as partner, because we both believed that was important in a relationship) and that we could see what happened during this summer but as of right now he thought we should seperate. I was in shock, and inwardly my heart began to sink but outwardly I didn't do much of anything. I asked if I had done something wrong, to cause this, and he said no, and I said, "okay". He asked if I wanted a hug (I had always loved his hugs more than anything else), and I said no. He said that he wanted one anyways, and I said no. He then said, "alright", and we said goodbye and I went inside without looking back at him. Two years of an extremely close relationship (we were dicussing moving in together the following year or two years, when he would be 18 and moving out), four days before our aniversary, and it was over in a matter of minutes. He drove away, and the minute I was inside I began to sob.
I spent that night crying so hard I couldn't see, and desperately trying to cancel and refund the ordered gifts for him for our anniversary.
We didn't talk at all the next day until that afternoon when I realized he had some things of mine I needed him to return. I told him and he came back to my house again that afternoon when he got off from work. He was understanding about it, and told me AGAIN that he "still loved me" and told me how much he still wants me around, and to talk. I ended up crying, and he hugged me (which made me cry harder) and told me he was sorry he hurt me. I told him that I couldn't be his friend right now, and that I needed time, because it did hurt and I stilled loved him too much to be able to act like his friend.
After he left, we ended up texting for a bit. In summary, I basically told him that I wanted him to be happy, whether that was with him dating me or not, and that I eventually did want to still be friends because I didn't want to lose him from my life, but it was still too painful and fresh right now. I told him it wouldn't be fair to either of us to hang out and talk right now when I would likely end up crying every time, and etc. He told me he was sorry he hurt me, and that he had thought for a long time about how he wasn't that happy and needed to take time for him and thought we should be apart, and had thought about how to handle that for a while because he didn't want to hurt me. He continuously told me he still loved me. He also said he didn't think how we were going on before was working out, and he needed time, etc. A few times he implied that we might eventually get back together. He told me to take all the time I needed, and was extremely understanding, and said he was, "only a phone call away".
I told him that I didn't blame him for how he felt. I also told him that he needed to be straight up with me on his intentions, because while it would hurt to know he didn't ever want to even think about us getting back together, it would hurt more to have false hope and always be expecting it to happen. He said that I shouldn't expect it, and that "as of right now I don't think we are getting back together but I'm not comepletely throwing the idea out of my head". So it both dissolved any hope I had, and also gave me hope. The way I took it, he said that he doesn't want to get back together right now but who knows what the future holds. It's very confusing for me.
I was also upset when he said he hadn't felt like we were working together like we had earlier in the relationship for a while, because he had always stressed to me that if I felt like something was wrong or we weren't working he wanted me to communicate that with him so we could talk about it and possibly work on it, something I always did, but he clearly didn't do the same for me since he had felt this way for a while but said nothing and so we instead broke up instead of at least ATTEMPTING to work on whatever the issue was.
It has now been roughly a little over two weeks, and we haven't spoken. I was devasted the first few days after, then mostly just felt...nothing. I was emotionally numb. Our would be anniversary came and went. A mutual friend says that mulitple times now he has complained to them about how he still wants to be my friend and is upset I haven't talked to him. A few days ago, he was at a gathering with another mutual friend that I was also at. We weren't uncivil, but didn't speak at all (with the exception of him telling me, "bye dude" as he left, which broke me all over again because he always- jokingly- got mad when I called him "dude" while we were dating since he thought it was unromantic, and he had emphaisized the word so I felt that he was demonstrating that we were JUST friends now). In fact, it seemed like he barely even took notice of me, and he definitely didn't attempt to talk to me at all. When his friend tries to talk to him about it, he apparently won't say anything and just changes the subject, but seems otherwise fine.
I am still sad, and confused. It came out of no where, with no real explanation. I know he said he wasn't happy, but I don't know WHY he wasn't or what the final straw to make him dump me was. I don't know why he was so insistent on us staying together and excitedly talking about the plans for our anniversary, just for him to break up with me less than a week later and act like he had wanted to do so for a while. He had been FINE the entire day leading up to us breaking up, nothing makes sense. I would almost even say that someone said something to him that made him decide to dump me, though I'd have no idea who or what and I think that just might me me trying to justify it all. I do know for a FACT it wasn't another girl he's interested in that was the reason, as a few people have assumed. I don't know why he kept saying he loves me still, because then if he loves me like he still claims he does why couldn't we at least TRY to work on the problem together before calling it quits. It's all so sudden, and I have many questions I wish I could ask him. I feel like I should be allowed to ask, after he ended our two-year relationship just DAYS before our anniversary that we were both so invested in, but I also think that my asking would just be interpreted as "dragging it out" and clingy and desperate and make me seem weird, emotiona, or crazy. I guess I'll never get the answers I'm looking for.
I don't know what to do, because I'm lost. I want him in my life, but after two years of dating, I don't even know how to act like JUST his friend anymore. I can't just sit there and pretend to be happy and content when I am so, so in love with him. And what if eventually he gets with another girl, and I have to sit by and watch and act happy for them? I wish I knew what was on his mind, what's he thinking, and does he think about me? Is he even upset? I don't know.
We used to talk all the time, on the phone and in text, and I would tell him EVERYTHING. If I saw a meme or post on instagram that I thought he would find funny, or reminded me of him, I'd send it to him and now I've lost that too. He was a vital part of my life for over two years (we were friends before we dated), and now that's just....gone.
I'm thinking sometime in the next week, after my graduation, I'll text him to see how he's doing and I guess kickstart our new Just Friendship. I want us to get back together, and I'll encourage that, but if he truly doesn't want to I'm not going to beg, manipulate, or try and force it onto him. Advice and guidance would be appreciated, because I'm lost and heartbroken (however, please only give advice with the thought that I do want us to still be in each others lives, and while I know many people say you shouldn't/can't be friends with your ex, I cannot bear the idea of us never seeing each other/speaking again more than the idea of us never getting back together). Everything is so overwhelming and I miss him so much it almost physically hurts, it's all so confusing and makes no sense. Help me figure out where I should go from here, please. Varying opinions and ideas are appreciated.
Thank you for reading this far, if you made it, and thanks to all for any help. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
