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bubbles4life6210
1 2,233 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts32 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceAugust 23, 2021
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I want to start again
Relationship Stress / by bubbles4life6210
Last post
 August 25th, 2021
...See more It all started a year ago, I felt the spark of a man’s eye when I was in driving school. I took his number and we began to text, he was 5 years older than me, days later I told him that I LOVED him, he was then scared of me and then after months of being indifferent he sent a message telling me that he wants me out of his life. to reflect on what I did, it was a huge mistake, I confused a passing crush with love, he was mature enough to not fall for it and I was extremely immature and grew out of it. months later, he called me back out of the blue and wanted me to hung out with him, I felt weird but went with the flow. I was partially mature to not be too attached but still believed I still love him. I was extremely possessive and didn’t want him to go out with his friends and seek vulnerability from him. Trying to make him fill my emptiness inside of me, I was getting in and out of the relationship, I still wasn’t his gf and he told me he was emotionally unavailable, things then went to being friends with benefits, he would sometimes tell me that he love me and would initiate calls and texts. But again I wanted him to make me his gf so badly so I told him u either make me or I’m leaving and this is where the ENLIGHTENMENT came, I’ve hurt him so badly with my attachment issues. Our relationship now is extremely cold and I’m having a distance, to be selfless and to respect his space and POV of me, I didn’t love him back then and it was pure toxicity but I was too immature to notice. Im not going to lie I still feel love, lust, attachment and infatuated towards him but the percentages vary now, having a distance with him made me reflect on my mistakes and what do I want in a relationship and made me grow maturely and be accountable for my own void inside for me to be able to fill not my people but by me. He made me feel more independent and more balanced, I’m not afraid of losing him anymore but I wish I could start again with him with zero expectations and let things grow naturally. But I broke his trust and I don’t wanna start again unless I know that I won’t hurt him. This distance is creating a sense of empathy towards him and I started to respect him more. I’m being a more independent unique version of myself every single day but still I want us to grow together, how can I know if I love him? My perspective toward him changed after I “had the enlightenment “ I know I can’t control things now but I want to start again, maturely, now that I am fixing myself every single day to be the best version of my self and not to have attachment issues. How can I start again with him?
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