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calmDime5180
103 M Embraced 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceAugust 12, 2021
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Impulses pushed my family away
Personality Disorders Support / by calmDime5180
Last post
 August 21st, 2021
...See more Hello, I'm very new here. I have anxiety issues along with BPD and PTSD. My impulses last few months have gotten bad to the point my family rarely communicates with me anymore. I have immensely apologized for my outbursts, crying uncontrollably and being defensive about not wanting to have a drink with them while they came to visit and they thought I was making a scene while we were traveling to a different city all together. I honestly have no idea what had come over me. Everyone stopped talking to me and said I ruined their vacation which was not my intention. I intended to go with them on good terms. They expected me to have my impulses after our vacation was over, I wish I could schedule them so they'd never come. I have been trying to pick different topics to discuss and get one word response if that. I love my family and they would do anything for me but I feel like I screwed it up for everyone this time. It's embarrassing and shameful to look back and see how I have reacted and that no one was able to enjoy their time off for a vacation. How do you guys deal with guilt, moving on from having impulses that hurt loved ones? I am getting help by a therapist on a weekly basis but in the back of mind I still think of my family and why they don't contact me anymore.
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