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calmField384
117 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2018 Member sinceJuly 30, 2018
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Trauma Support / by calmField384
Last post
 August 28th, 2018
...See more Ok so this is my first post. I am hoping to find that I am not alone in this. I am 28 years old. Currently in my fourth year of medical school(going for pediatrics!!). You could say I was the one that got out. Growing up my family divorced early and I was left with my mom who had a significant drug issue. She would leave me home alone at 11 for a few days at a time. My dad took my brothers. Long story short she would have this guy come look after me. And he is 100% where my trauma/abuse issues stem from. Fast forward to now. I have had quite a few physical and sexual abusive relationships. The few normal ones I had I absolutely hated. I have this mindset that if hes not mean to me it must not be love etc etc. I am currently engaged and surprise even though I love this man, he knows how to make me panic. Im a walking doormat. And Im just wondering why cant I have a normal relationship? Its this nauseating cycle that I am convinced will never change all because of behaviors I learned when I was younger. I see all these women my age leave a man in a second if he says the wrong thing, and I am jealous of that. Anyways, I would appriciate any advice or just know that Im not the only one.
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