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canonymousb
70 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceNovember 2, 2021
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Sexual Assault
Trauma Support / by canonymousb
Last post
 November 5th, 2021
...See more *trigger warning* hi everyone, I’m new to this so I’m feeling really vulnerable but I can’t meet with a therapist until Saturday so I’m sharing it here. One night I went out with my friends got the most drunk I’ve ever been (unintentionally) I thought I was just having fun,and didn’t realize how much I had until it was time to go home. So we are walking out the club and my friend is about to leave with two guys and I didn’t want her to be alone so I told her I’d go with her. While in the car a guy who I THOUGHT was coo started trying to kiss and grab me and I told him to stop twice and that I had a boyfriend. I also THOUGHT we were going to the Airbnb that we pregamed at but we ended up at a hotel. When we get to the hotel (I don’t remember this) my friend said I was waiting for an Uber and that I told her that I was okay with waiting with him until it came. Long story short Idk how bc I don’t remember much, but I ended up in his hotel room and I was like okay I’ll just wait for her to be ready to go home. Well he ended up turning off the lights and all I remember is the tv on. I slightly remember him being like over me, but I don’t remember anything else from the time I fell asleep to the time I woke up at like 6/7 am. When I woke up we were both naked (don’t know how my clothes came off) and he grabbed my hand to try to feel in himself and I snatched it back and said “no,stop” . He did that twice, then he immediately asked me if I was on birth control and at that point I realized he had sex with me while I was half sleep. I panicked asked if he used a condom and called my friend. He then bought a plan B and said “here I need to watch you take it”. I felt so humiliated and embarrassed and just like a piece of shit. Now my friend doesn’t believe me because I didn’t tell her the entire story as soon as it happened and she claims she didn’t hear me tell him to stop in the car, and when I tried to bring it up she said I was “accusing/assuming” that he did something even though I’m not sure bc of how drunk I was. And now I think I might lose the love of my life because after 4 months I got the courage to tell him about it. I feel so broken , I feel so hurt and I’m not sure if this was sexual assault, the ppl who I’ve talked to asked me why I didn’t call it “rape” but I thought rape was like forced and when you wake up hurting and in pain. I went to the dr the same weeek to get tested, but I couldn’t tell my bf what happened and allowed us to have sex. Now he is so pissed and might leave me 😞 I don’t know what happened to me and I’m having a really hard time dealing with all this.
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