Sexual Assault
*trigger warning* hi everyone, I’m new to this so I’m feeling really vulnerable but I can’t meet with a therapist until Saturday so I’m sharing it here. One night I went out with my friends got the most drunk I’ve ever been (unintentionally) I thought I was just having fun,and didn’t realize how much I had until it was time to go home. So we are walking out the club and my friend is about to leave with two guys and I didn’t want her to be alone so I told her I’d go with her. While in the car a guy who I THOUGHT was coo started trying to kiss and grab me and I told him to stop twice and that I had a boyfriend. I also THOUGHT we were going to the Airbnb that we pregamed at but we ended up at a hotel. When we get to the hotel (I don’t remember this) my friend said I was waiting for an Uber and that I told her that I was okay with waiting with him until it came. Long story short Idk how bc I don’t remember much, but I ended up in his hotel room and I was like okay I’ll just wait for her to be ready to go home. Well he ended up turning off the lights and all I remember is the tv on. I slightly remember him being like over me, but I don’t remember anything else from the time I fell asleep to the time I woke up at like 6/7 am. When I woke up we were both naked (don’t know how my clothes came off) and he grabbed my hand to try to feel in himself and I snatched it back and said “no,stop” . He did that twice, then he immediately asked me if I was on birth control and at that point I realized he had sex with me while I was half sleep. I panicked asked if he used a condom and called my friend. He then bought a plan B and said “here I need to watch you take it”. I felt so humiliated and embarrassed and just like a piece of shit. Now my friend doesn’t believe me because I didn’t tell her the entire story as soon as it happened and she claims she didn’t hear me tell him to stop in the car, and when I tried to bring it up she said I was “accusing/assuming” that he did something even though I’m not sure bc of how drunk I was. And now I think I might lose the love of my life because after 4 months I got the courage to tell him about it. I feel so broken , I feel so hurt and I’m not sure if this was sexual assault, the ppl who I’ve talked to asked me why I didn’t call it “rape” but I thought rape was like forced and when you wake up hurting and in pain. I went to the dr the same weeek to get tested, but I couldn’t tell my bf what happened and allowed us to have sex. Now he is so pissed and might leave me 😞 I don’t know what happened to me and I’m having a really hard time dealing with all this.
Hello @canonymousb, I am really sorry to hear about this, situations like this are all around hard, I can't imagine the pain you must feel right now. It can be scary, heartbreaking and painful, and none of that is fun. I want to let you know, that this would indeed be rape, as it was without consent. Rape doesn't have to be physically painful, rape is simply the act without the consent of either person involved. It's really hard for people to understand what it feels like so when you tell them they can react quite intensely, but it isn't because they don't care, just simply because they don't understand what it's like. Hopefully your partner will come to terms with it in time, its very possible they are just upset because they feel like you weren't comfortable telling them, not because they are mad at you for what happened. A really good resource is rainn.org, they work with rape and sexual assault survivors. I hope that things start looking up for you, and that you find some peace of mind.
Sincerely,
Jet01
Thank you, you’ve helped me not feel as crazy and delusional as I thought I was . Calling rainn was also really helpful and she validated my feelings. I’m not sure if he will ever come around to live and trust me like he used to but I hope he does. I love him so much . This just really hurts and having to bring it up after 4 months is causing me to feel how I felt right after it happened. I can’t eat, can barely sleep, can’t focus at work, I feel sick etc. please just pray for be. Thank you again
Hi @canonymousb
i actually had a somewhat similar situation happen less than a week ago and definitely feel a lot of the same emotions. I haven’t told my partner. I know it’s definitely motivated by fear that I haven’t but I just don’t even feel safe in my body and am still grappling with the fact that it’s more than someone I know (known the family for years). I feel trapped and violated all over when I think about it and just sad for myself too. Like it happened to someone else and I want to protect her. I really hate how society kind of tends to stigmatize situations like these when there’s alcohol involved. My heart goes out to you.