carefulSquare950 Member Profile

...See more My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He started drinking when he was 18, high functioning alcoholic for 6 years until he was 24. Then he went to rehab and became sober for a year when he met me. We fell in love when he was sober, but throughout our relationship, he has been relapsing here and there. Aug 2021, we got in a huge argument and we drank heavily that night and crashed his car. That was the same night I found out that he had been messaging a girl on a dating app. He got arrested and the police gave me his phone (with his last opened app on). He used fake pictures and fake identities on that app and he said that's because he only needed validation and not a genuine connection. Due to COVID, he lost his job and gained 20kg, so I understand his frustration, but still, needless to say, I felt devastated. Someone I had been loving and trusting was lying to me. We went to therapy and couple counselling and we finally got back to a semi-good spot. He has been putting in effort to be honest and transparent. I have full access to everything he uses and he always answers when he's alone/out. He has been sober for 16 months, since that day in 2019 until last week. Something happened so he had to stay away from me for 4 days. We got in a fight and one night, I told him I wanted to have some space. That very same night, he went out drinking heavily again. We talked about it, I felt bad for him so I was thinking of forgiving him. But last night when I used his phone, I saw that he has been using the dating app again. I confronted him and he said it he only downloaded in the moment of weakness. He was lonely and sad (he moved to my country to be with me, and he doesn't have anyone). At that time, he thought he just lost me, so he went on there looking for people to talk to. Nothing sexual or nothing romantic. I'm trying to understand it but at the same time, the second night he was alone, he downloaded the dating app, which he said he deleted soon after. (I checked it on myactivity by Google with his consent, of course). He said it was because he was bored and it was a stupid thought, that's why he deleted it right away. (His words. I cannot check). And then after the fight and getting really drunk, he downloaded it again and started to talk to girls. He even tried to meet a girl there the same night. But after we talked, he deleted everything and suggested me to install a tracking app to make sure that he doesn't do anything behind my back. I feel that he's trying to fix and I do feel that he only did what he did because he was lost and lonely but can't help but feel like I cannot trust him again... I'm still trying to understand his thought process throughout the whole thing. I don't know if it's possible to be that simple as he said.

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