cashirekitty Member Profile

...See more I dont know if this will help at all, but im desperate lol. For a long while, I thought I was over my anxiety and self esteem issues. It turns out im not, I just had the validation and attention to keep me temporarily happy. Being unimportant terrifies me, and at the moment, i dont feel particularly important to anyone. I know thats not true, but i need to feel it. I need people to notice when im not there. I need people to wait for me before they do things. Im also ridiculously self conscious. I dont know how to express the degree of self consciousness, lets just say that there is not a single second that i dont feel watched and judged when im out with people. I never enjoy myself anymore. My attention is always focused inwards. I always wonder what would someone think of me if they if they looked at me right now doing the simplest thing. I was literally eating pasta today wondering how i come off eating this pasta. I mean what the frick?? (can you swear on here? I just downloaded this app). Its actually ridiculous and mentally exhausting lol. You know how sometimes you feel awkward/embarrassed and you quickly try to busy yourself with something to conceal it? I always wonder if people know that thats what im doing too. Okay, thats enough for now i dont wanna ruin it.

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