cessamelie Member Profile

...See more So this is what happened. I'm currently in the twelfth grade. Back when I was in the eleventh grade, there was a guy in our class... I really didn't notice him at first... But there was a question in class regarding religion, then he beautifullly answered: "we shouldn't judge people based on their religion and etc." (it was a really long answer, but that's the main point of his answer...) His name is Nor. Ever since he said that, I started to like him. I really liked individuals who had a humanitarian and philosophical vibes in them. I was the shy kind of girl, and I had no courage to speak up... But when I realized that we have the same route home, I decided to talk to him, and befriend him... We walked home together and eventually became friends. One time, it bothered me how he was so against of philosophy. He said it can ruin faith. I was hurt, because philosophy was really important to me. But I let him be. He had a really amazing mind, and heart. So I let him be and respected him. The day came where Nor and my female best friend got into a fight. They were in conflict for how many days. Nor thought that I was on her side, so he ignored me. That bothered me because that was so childish of him! He even made a lot of "shots fired" posts on Facebook. Few days later, I found out that he blocked me. That really hurt me, I swear. After all the conflict, he unblocked me and apologized... But I felt that the old flare of our friendship... was no longer there. I really wanted to befriend him more, talk to him more, and... just be with him. But yeah, that's how it ends. We were still friends, but not as close as before. I used to listen to his stories a lot, give him advices, but... Now I just have to act like... He doesn't exist and try to forget my feelings for him. You know, it sucks because I really did everything for him to see that, I was a girl that has something to offer in the world... I was shy, but I stepped out of my comfort zone.. I tried my best. So, in February 2019, he had a conflict with his male best friend. Of course, I was the same person again who listened to his rants over repeatedly. I guess I was just a "sounding board" to him. So, when summer came, I decided to try and forget what I feel for him. It was successful, I was distracted with a lot of things. So, when I went back to school (current grade) I was a NEW ME. I was more confident with what I have, I opened up myself to others. Joined the contests I wanted to join. I basically reached out, instead of staying in my little shell. I'm sure that I forgot what I felt for him. But. There was one thing that turned my life upside down... And that was.. ACCOUNTING. Seriously, that subject really got me going crazy. Since Nor was the best accounting student in class, I asked for his help. Like duh, I listened to him all this time, so ITS TIME FOR HIM TO RETURN THE FAVOR. So, after that little accounting lecture from him, we talked a little about crushes, those kind of things. We rarely talk about that, because we focus on our academics. He told me that he confessed to a female classmate of ours. I didn't expect that. But he was just left on a "friendzone", he said. Haha. He even told me that he had a small crush on me before, but that didn't last long. I wasn't sure if I should be hurt, or not. Considering the fact that... I was over him. So he asked me if I liked someone from class. I wasn't so sure how to react. But then, I told him that I used to like him. That thing made me cry actually. Like I teared up in front of him... Because I was so genuine with what I felt about him. I told him that I didn't love him romantically, or even as a friend. I loved him for who he is, for his existence. (that sounds corny, I know.) but I made it sure to tell him that, I USED TO LIKE HIM. (in the past) After that little confession, we actually became closer to each other. We were more open to each other, shared each other's thoughts on some things. So, another conflict happened. All his friends turned his back on him. So he felt so alone. I didn't want to see him alone, so, I went home with him again. I don't want him to experience the sadness of loneliness, you know? But I guess he must also understand that... There's another side of life... I listened to his rants again and again, basically, I felt like a sounding board. But you know, I noticed changes in him. He has truly changed, he didn't let immature impulses take over him. He tried to face things in a mature way. I could see that he is trying to be the better version of himself... There, I started to feel butterflies in my stomach again. I didn't realize this before but, he is actually very attractive. My friends keep on telling me the same thing before, but I ignored them because I didn't really based on people's appearances... But now I'm starting to notice that little detail. He used to be "not-so-gentleman" before. He would always go out of the room first, but now, he would let me go out of the room first unlike before. HAHA. He always wanted to win and win in any argument, but there was one time where he let me win... (Hahaha I bet he was so tired of arguing HAHHAHAH) I talked to him about how he treated me like a "sounding board", and he apologized for that. Last Friday, we had a talk about random things and mostly life related things. Me: "Nor, as your classmate, I'd like you to realize that..." Him: "Just as a classmate?" Me: "Err, as your friend then..." Him: "Hmm? Just as a friend?" Me: "How about a close friend?" Him: "Just as a close friend?" Me: "Very well then, as your best friend." Then I saw him smile. I'm really sure that all my feelings went back. I don't know, maybe I just miss him? But I've realized that.. I guess he only treats me as his best friend. I can't do anything about that. But that's making me a little sad. I can't tell him that "Hey, I like you again!!" Duh, that would be so awkward. Hahaha. Also, few days ago, when my friends were teasing me about him, I literally told Nor that "Nor, listen, I'll never be interested in you because you're not my type!" (Where in fact I really do) Then he just smiled. Well, there goes my best-friend zoned story. (not a native English speaker, many errors)

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