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charmingWillow3453
96 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 19, 2018
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BF Sexted another woman
Relationship Stress / by charmingWillow3453
Last post
 January 12th, 2023
...See more Okay so for background, my bf and I have been together for several years and live together. As with most people we have our own issues and have both struggled with mental health. I have been cheated on in the past and it is kinda a trigger for me. I found out my bf had been *** a girl for like a month? They met up a handful of times. Nothing sexual happened, they met up more as friends. I've spoken to her and she confirms that this is true. She sent ***, he didn't but they had few inappropriate conversations about sex and what they liked during sex, kinks etc. He was also very flirty with her, often complimenting her, sexualising her etc. He's hide this from me for about six months and now I've found it and confronted him, he explains its why he's been so depressed, he's apparently riddled with guilt and its making him suicidal. He's explained he was seeking out validation, very low self esteem etc etc. Didn't have any intentions of having a physical or emotional relationship with her and didn't have any feelings towards her, he was essentially using her to feel better about himself. To me this is a clear boundary crossing, he has disrespected me and our relationship. However, it's not as clear cut as him sleeping with someone else or having a full blown affair. I'm hurt and feel distanced from him but I also understand this isn't about me, so in that way I'm not having a break down because I'm confident in the fact its nothing to do with me, I couldn't have done anything different blah blah blah. I honestly just have no idea what to do though?! I found out and packed his bags, ready to confront him and kick him out and then spoke to her and him and realised it wasn't an actual thing so have let him come home. He is distraught, he's not sleeping or eating and is anxious about us breaking up. He's clearly stated he regrets it, is sorry and doesn't want us to break up. He wants to work through it and even offered to fully pay for couples therapy. I've done the maths and know I could afford to live on my own, purely so I knew that I'm not making this decision based on fear of being alone. I'm thinking about trying couples therapy. I don't know how best to manage everything. I'm part considering checking into a bnb for a few nights so we can both have some distance and get out heads straight and so we are both thinking with our heads and not hearts. I don't want to string him along with a limbo of a 'relationship' nor do I want to experience that. Thought about asking him to move back in with his parents and just have a few months apart for him to work on himself and us to access therapy before we kinda continue. It's all still fresh and I've trying not to be rash and just be respectful to myself and my needs. He says it's in my hands and he will be led by me in what I want the next step to look like. I just wondered if some impartial people may have views or things to consider in helping me make my decision. If anyone has bee in a similar scenario and how they managed it? Any advice, really!
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