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chichidori
1 1,501 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupTeen Last activeApril, 2026 Member sinceApril 26, 2025
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Hello

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No one considers me Close
Friendship Support / by chichidori
Last post
 May 1st, 2025
...See more When I had my first friend in highschool after 2 years of being alone, I had a doubt that I was going inside a circle that didn't care about me. I think that showed, at the first days I had to approach them to try going to karaoke at the 2nd week, on Friday we had no school so I went there, and because of my fear of rejection I treated and spent 20 dollars/1000pesos on food, I didn't care about money back then I don't know what made me trust them either I just wanted a real friend because for the first time someone invited me to their circle. I was probably desperate. So much drama has passed but the only thing that really left me hanging was that despite a year of being friends I was closed off from everyone else I had these friends that were closer to others, I didn't care about me being a transferee but I guess being a transfer student made the impression that no one was close to me, despite giving so much and all the drama we faced together, when I stayed late at night to accompany my friends to go home while I walk alone at night. They were the only people that connected with me but I'm just there
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I don't like food but I eat a lot
Eating Disorder Support / by chichidori
Last post
 May 5th, 2025
...See more I don't like how food makes me feel, I'm suffering from nausea and some foods make me vomit for a reason, every reason makes me feel like I made myself unhealthy like I'm smoking a cigarette because of how I use food as a distraction to make some pain go away. I have acid reflux, I haven't really been diagnosed by a doctor, I hate doctors. But I'll just be some freak that lied about having some issues without evidence, it's my fault for eating so much. Honestly i don't even have a meal time when I wake up I eat, do the dishes and I sleep. Then I make a special meal at night. I shouldn't call it a meal, I eat anything maybe to stay awake, to distract myself, or I'm hungry. Dull foods make me feel disgusted, corporate sounds bad for me. Food I cook makes me feel like I have to finish it because no one cares enough for me to try my cooking, good food makes me feel guilty that I want to have more. it's just me eating food to fill my stomach but I hate the way it makes me feel disgusted of myself. It's not funny, that I want to slice out the food I eat because the acid makes me feel nauseous. Sometimes I blame food for why I can't breathe I'm stuck with this, some mucus inside my throat, and more things I won't mention because I feel disgusted of myself, I feel like I'm in an old lady's body with a 16 year Old's mind.. I'm trying to take care of a person that peepee and poo poo's themselves, vomits, having a disgusting smell, the comments of people telling me, for me it's mockery that whenever I eat less they think I'm in a restrictive diet I just don't feel like eating. I know I'm fat but I have worse problems, when I said I'm tired of trying to lose weight people just said I'm giving up on myself that I could do better, but I don't care enough to care about their opinion. I'm tired, I wish I could go a day without eating but I don't have a strong desire to lose weight. Maybe its true that I gave up on my life just because I'm fat.
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