I don't like food but I eat a lot
I don't like how food makes me feel, I'm suffering from nausea and some foods make me vomit for a reason, every reason makes me feel like I made myself unhealthy like I'm smoking a cigarette because of how I use food as a distraction to make some pain go away. I have acid reflux, I haven't really been diagnosed by a doctor, I hate doctors. But I'll just be some freak that lied about having some issues without evidence, it's my fault for eating so much. Honestly i don't even have a meal time when I wake up I eat, do the dishes and I sleep. Then I make a special meal at night. I shouldn't call it a meal, I eat anything maybe to stay awake, to distract myself, or I'm hungry. Dull foods make me feel disgusted, corporate sounds bad for me. Food I cook makes me feel like I have to finish it because no one cares enough for me to try my cooking, good food makes me feel guilty that I want to have more. it's just me eating food to fill my stomach but I hate the way it makes me feel disgusted of myself. It's not funny, that I want to slice out the food I eat because the acid makes me feel nauseous. Sometimes I blame food for why I can't breathe I'm stuck with this, some mucus inside my throat, and more things I won't mention because I feel disgusted of myself, I feel like I'm in an old lady's body with a 16 year Old's mind.. I'm trying to take care of a person that peepee and poo poo's themselves, vomits, having a disgusting smell, the comments of people telling me, for me it's mockery that whenever I eat less they think I'm in a restrictive diet I just don't feel like eating. I know I'm fat but I have worse problems, when I said I'm tired of trying to lose weight people just said I'm giving up on myself that I could do better, but I don't care enough to care about their opinion. I'm tired, I wish I could go a day without eating but I don't have a strong desire to lose weight. Maybe its true that I gave up on my life just because I'm fat.
@chichidori
It is not about the food it is about you..... maybe go have a check up and few people like Doctors. Most people feel their concerns will not be heard but in the end you are the Customer and they are a service provider you are in charge of the interaction. same goes for someone to talk to a counselor or therapist.
Eating to keep you occupied or busy or out of boredom or other triggers will only cause you issues later on like an addiction. No one is judging you as harshly as you are yourself. People may enjoy your cooking but if you never even offer how would you know. You do not need to care about others opinion but you should care about your own and from the sound of it your opinion of yourself is low.
