chriscatboy Member Profile

...See more Hello I am dating 2 girls in a poly relationship. I have been dating one of the girls(A) for over 3 years. The other girl(B) we started dating 4 months ago. There were issues more or less from the get go when we introduced the new girl. Now the fault shouldnt necessarily be put on girl B and my relationship with girl A had many underlying issues to begin with. Honestly our relationship before poly was complex and with a new person it has become a mouthful to even get into the meat of all our issues. I am not going to explain everything that has happened but as a result I have been dragged through more stress and pain than I have ever before endured. I should mention at this point that i am generally mentally healthy but the two other girls struggle with many mental issues ranging from ptsd, abuse, gender dysphoria, BPD, chronic depression, anxiety and maybe more. In some ways i am their "daddy" since i am the one who's meant to "keep my shit together" and take care of things when things go south. Anyway, the issue i wanted to discuss today was that I feel jealous (at least that's what I think it is). It has become clear from quite early on that girl B and A have become more into each other than they are into me. Knowing that they are each other's number 1 and i am their number 2, the fact that the person i love the most doesn't love me the most. I know that some poly people will tell you that you are not meant to create a hierarchy and compare like that. There shouldn't be any ranking, but reality is that they love each other more than me. I can't quite explain it but i just simply can't handle it and it has been causing me to develop a pattern of panic attacks. The panic attacks aren't as bad as they used to be but they are happening 65% of days so far (yes i am keeping track somewhat). Of course i should not be in a relationship that causes me to get panic attacks. I have various paths infront of me but the main two are learn to live with being number 2 or break everything up and restart half my life. Both of those options seems quite crappy. I do really love them and they are very loving to me. It is mainly that being second that causes me so much stress. I might not be right for poly relationships also. I ran out of steam to write more so if you feel interested then we can message. Thank you for reading. :)

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